Campaign Two · Episode 180
Super Rat Day
Things have gone from bad to weird, to worse and weird, but at least we have a task to accomplish. Turns out there may be some rats in the damn cellar! This is the perfect way to 1) get out of this pre-wedding-setup room and 2) earn some good will with the Von Espers. And, honestly, a quest to go fight a large rat? We are super high level. This will be easy.Help out people being oppressed in Minnesota and Kansas!The adventure continues with Screech Echo (Mike Bachmann), Selene Von Esper (Jennifer Cheek), R'Oarc (Nika Howard), T'Chuck (Tim Lanning), and our Dungeon Master Michael DiMauro. Edited by Vincent.Podcast art by Zack Meyman AKA Zoomtoonz! Want the world to see your fan art? Post it with #DrunksAndDoodles.Find more info by clicking right here -https://linktr.ee/GAPCast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
At the table
In this episode
Dungeon Master
Michael DiMauro
as T'Chuck
Tim Lanning
as Selene Von Esper
Jennifer Cheek
as Screetch Echo
Mike Bachmann
as R'Oarc
Nika Howard
What happened
Show notes
Things have gone from bad to weird, to worse and weird, but at least we have a task to accomplish. Turns out there may be some rats in the damn cellar! This is the perfect way to 1) get out of this pre-wedding-setup room and 2) earn some good will with the Von Espers. And, honestly, a quest to go fight a large rat? We are super high level. This will be easy.Help out people being oppressed in Minnesota and Kansas!The adventure continues with Screech Echo (Mike Bachmann), Selene Von Esper (Jennifer Cheek), R'Oarc (Nika Howard), T'Chuck (Tim Lanning), and our Dungeon Master Michael DiMauro. Edited by Vincent.Podcast art by Zack Meyman AKA Zoomtoonz! Want the world to see your fan art? Post it with #DrunksAndDoodles.Find more info by clicking right here -https://linktr.ee/GAPCast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Word for word
Transcript
00:28
Michael Greeting, adventurers! I am your Dungeon Master, Michael Thrifty Nerd DiMauro. My pronouns are he/him. With me this week, hopefully it's Nika Howard.
00:41
Jennifer Baby, it's me.
00:42
Nika Can we hear me? Ah, yes, it's me. I am here. I am loud, verbally and otherwise, and my pronouns are she/her.
00:53
Michael Also with us this week, Timothy Lanning.
00:55
Tim What up, what up? It's great to be here. Thanks for having me. My pronouns are he/him.
00:59
Michael J'Michael Bachmann.
01:01
Bachmann Hey everybody, do you like that? When I smack it and you watch it bounce right back?
01:05
Nika What?
01:06
Bachmann You'll have to excuse Michael. He really lost it when he saw me do the right left. I'm a man eater.
01:13
Jennifer I understand.
01:13
Bachmann Y'all are just a light snack.
01:14
Michael What?
01:15
Nika It's a song.
01:15
Tim What's he saying? Are you singing?
01:17
Bachmann That's all right. That's all right. It works for me.
01:19
Michael Is that like poetry?
01:21
Tim Is he doing poetry?
01:22
Jennifer He's doing Megan Thee Stallion's verse in—
01:25
Nika Twice.
01:25
Jennifer That Twice song. Strategy. Strategy.
01:28
Tim Are we going to get suit?
01:29
Bachmann I don't think so.
01:30
Jennifer It's a cover. He did really good.
01:32
Bachmann Yeah, it's a cover.
01:32
Nika He didn't sing it.
01:33
Tim He said it really good.
01:34
Nika Yeah, and it was less than 10 seconds?
01:37
Bachmann I don't know. I took a long time to do it. My pronouns are he/him.
01:39
Tim Cherry for Cheeks here.
01:41
Jennifer Hello, everyone. My pronouns are she/her.
01:44
Michael We're back, guys.
01:45
Tim Hey, what's up? We're back.
01:46
Michael We're back. I'm getting really distracted by the freaking chat.
01:51
Nika Why are they booty shaking everything?
01:53
Michael There's boots shaking in there.
01:54
Jennifer They are. Yeah, there's some snail booty shaking in there.
01:56
Bachmann Booties on the ground.
01:56
Tim I can't.
01:59
Michael Stop looking at it.
02:00
Tim I can't. This is porno to him. No jacking off.
02:04
Jennifer Just because we're talking about vaginas and jacking off all the time.
02:07
Nika Here's some butt shaking.
02:08
Jennifer And cum, and who knows what else.
02:10
Tim This is a jack-off instructional podcast. Just ours is really weird.
02:14
Michael Oh, man.
02:14
Bachmann Okay.
02:15
Nika We should call this JOI. Adventure JOI.
02:19
Michael Where guys choose—
02:20
Bachmann Choose your own JOI.
02:22
Michael Stop talking about jacking off.
02:24
Tim Fine.
02:24
Bachmann Is that what that is?
02:27
Nika Instruction. Sleeping.
02:28
Michael Because it's Monday, so everything is wrong.
02:31
Tim I'm sleepy.
02:32
Jennifer Oh, yeah, because the episode just came out today.
02:36
Michael Yeah.
02:36
Nika I hope that you listen to it.
02:38
Tim Michael.
02:39
Michael Yeah.
02:40
Tim I know that you usually save this for the end, but I don't know about you guys, but I've died many times to Michael's prototype of the Drinks and Daggers computer game.
02:50
Michael Oh, yeah.
02:50
Tim Pyre smacking my bare back, butt, and balls.
02:54
Michael Thank you for bringing it up, Timmy. It functions kind of, but it's still got a long way to go. But if you want to check it out, you can. Patreon.com/ThriftyCrafts. But it's fun. It works kind of.
03:08
Nika It's really cool.
03:09
Michael You can choose different characters now.
03:11
Jennifer And it looks really good.
03:11
Tim Yeah.
03:12
Nika Yeah.
03:12
Michael It plays like dog shit.
03:14
Tim Yeah. I didn't know what was happening.
03:16
Michael You won't.
03:20
Tim And then I started to, and I just thought I drew really bad.
03:23
Michael And that's why—
03:24
Tim I was like, nothing's happening. It's like, oh, you didn't get any good cards.
03:27
Jennifer You can't do anything.
03:28
Michael But you know, it'll get better as I go.
03:31
Tim So yeah, it's a journey.
03:32
Michael Follow me on this journey.
03:32
Tim Much like an adventure.
03:34
Michael All right, fuck it. Let's play D&D.
03:39
Bachmann Previously on Greetings, Adventurers.
03:45
Michael You get a tap on the shoulder.
03:47
Jennifer I turn around.
03:49
Michael It's Leo. It's Selene's brother. Can you believe this joker up there trying to give a speech?
03:55
Jennifer But I am but a lowly servant.
03:57
Michael You know, he did the same thing to my sister. Oh, he just gave her to the OT, and now I'm marrying Maris Wample. I heard that her vagina is only like an inch deep and has like a 4-inch radius or something.
04:15
Bachmann How loud does he say that? How loud does he say that?
04:17
Tim Pretty loud.
04:18
Michael Where is your soon-to-be good wife, sir? She's locked up in the bathroom. I don't know. Hey, you in the armor.
04:26
Nika Me?
04:27
Michael Can you go into the shitter and get Maris? I don't love him at all. He doesn't have what I need, and no man does.
04:37
Jennifer Ah, no!
04:38
Nika R'Oarc would like to raise up her skirt.
04:41
Jennifer Oh my God. Oh my God.
04:43
Nika She shows— her pussy, and she says, he knows exactly what you need.
04:50
Tim Holy shit. Guards, guards!
04:52
Bachmann Oh God. I grab her fiancé and push him in there.
04:57
Michael Derrigus Van Esper is choking on a walnut.
05:00
Tim I think this guy's choking. Uh, alright, pick it up. One, two.
05:05
Michael You pop that walnut right out. I think you should sit next to me at the feast.
05:11
Tim Won't that Upset some of the other lords.
05:13
Michael My lord, you can have my wife's seat.
05:15
Tim Where's she gonna be?
05:16
Michael I don't know.
05:18
Tim Oops, I dropped this, and then I bent down.
05:20
Nika Don't spank me.
05:28
Michael Anyway, anyways, y'all were, uh, hanging out at the feast. You were pre-gaming at the feast before the feast happened.
05:37
Tim Yeah, that's where the real sickos go. That's getting set up.
05:40
Michael And you ran into Selene's— both his dad and his brother. Yeah, yeah, his dad, her dad, and her brother.
05:46
Tim Sorry, you know, forget her brother and his dad.
05:48
Jennifer Yeah, yeah, yeah, her brother and his dad. Yeah, exactly.
05:52
Tim And her dad looks like your friend Nick. It's her.
05:54
Jennifer Exactly.
05:55
Michael Yeah, hijinks ensue. Not really hijinks ensue.
05:58
Tim Not really. It's pretty normal.
06:00
Jennifer There were some Maris-based hijinks.
06:02
Michael There were some light hijinks. There was a lot of Just people taking their pants off.
06:05
Tim Yeah. Or took her cooter out, which is not a big deal. I mean, that happens a lot. Because I guess we had to, like—
06:11
Bachmann That's pretty normal.
06:11
Nika Every family function.
06:13
Tim Yeah, we had to, like, invent, like, an old-timey butt flap for her cooter inside of her artificer armor. So, yeah, it's pretty normal.
06:21
Jennifer Yeah, so she can piss at it.
06:22
Tim Yeah. Yeah.
06:23
Jennifer I bet in your artificer armor, you got, like, one of those, like, shiwi situations so you can, like, piss out of it at a length.
06:30
Nika I think she has a little— like nanobyte kind of thing where like a little, like, would open up.
06:36
Tim Michael, be careful. This feels like it's very close to a Screetch grappling situation.
06:40
Michael If you get in there, this thing is dangerous.
06:42
Jennifer And then a little funnel.
06:44
Tim Yeah.
06:44
Nika And then the shiwi funnel would come out.
06:46
Bachmann Call it pussy whipping.
06:48
Michael Is shiwi a play on kiwi?
06:50
Nika No, it's so— It's lady piss.
06:53
Jennifer I think it's like she can wee outside.
06:56
Nika Yeah.
06:56
Bachmann Yeah.
06:56
Jennifer It's like a funnel thing so you can piss outside in here and not have it drip down your legs.
07:01
Michael Ugh.
07:02
Bachmann What's gross about that, Michael?
07:03
Nika It's just like a plastic dick.
07:05
Jennifer It's like, yeah.
07:07
Nika Ugh.
07:07
Tim And I have to suck it?
07:08
Jennifer Only for pissing, though!
07:10
Nika Actually, can I say that I think that she would not, she would have the little nanobytes open up, but I think that—
07:16
Tim Stop saying nanobytes. You don't have nanobytes.
07:18
Michael What's a nanobyte?
07:19
Tim Jesus Christ.
07:20
Nika She's making it up.
07:21
Michael You're working with Steve, Michael.
07:23
Tim Tony Stark ass ruined all the fucking, ruined all the damn Marvel movies with your nanomachines taking their helmets off.
07:28
Bachmann I hate it.
07:29
Nika And she, much like Dune, uses the urine to re-filter through the system.
07:38
Jennifer Now that, she be drinking that.
07:40
Tim That sounds like Roar.
07:41
Jennifer 100%.
07:42
Michael And it tastes just like kiwi water.
07:45
Nika Yeah, she loves that. Strawberry. Everyone, every time for brunch on Sunday, everyone gets some of this like really delicious strawberry kiwi beverage and nobody knows where it comes from. And Roar can never tell.
07:58
Tim Oh, that's crazy.
07:59
Nika Yeah, it's from the—
08:00
Jennifer We're thirsty for it.
08:01
Michael She's giving everyone her piss.
08:03
Tim And now I can't metagame knowing that I've been drinking your piss for so long. That sucks.
08:06
Jennifer Because you don't know. Yeah. And you like it.
08:07
Tim That's going to be stuff.
08:08
Jennifer You like the taste of it.
08:09
Tim I mean, maybe that's how your character went from being a bard to an artificer. You just drank your piss so much you got, like, the science in you.
08:17
Nika Yeah, I was piss maxing.
08:19
Jennifer And I— Yeah, piss maxing. People do that, though. People really think it's good for them.
08:22
Tim You can drink your pee. It makes you stronger. It gives you nanobites.
08:25
Jennifer It doesn't work that way.
08:26
Michael Wait, why? Tell them not to, Jenna Rourke.
08:28
Jennifer It only works in D&D, in fantasy world.
08:31
Tim Yeah.
08:31
Nika You don't gain benefits from piss maxing in real life. Don't drink your piss.
08:35
Tim If your girl's piss tastes like kiwi, run away.
08:39
Nika But kiwi strawberry, drink that shit up.
08:43
Michael So you're just— Setting the scene, we're still in the pregame zone. I believe R'Oarc just got another reminder.
08:58
Jennifer An insistent reminder.
08:59
Tim Her nanobites were like, "Hey, you got to go over here." I'm going.
09:02
Michael To steal that bell.
09:03
Nika Oh my God. Okay. I look at everyone and I say, I gotta go.
09:10
Jennifer I gotta go.
09:11
Nika I gotta go.
09:12
Jennifer She just, like, fully stops and just, like, stands, like, corpse style and is like, I gotta go.
09:19
Tim Why is R'Oarc T-posing like that?
09:23
Nika And then she, like, yeah, crap.
09:24
Jennifer It's like she, like, kind of just, like, reset her brain or something.
09:27
Tim All right, well, go, I guess.
09:30
Nika Go on out, skit.
09:31
Tim The bathroom's around the corner. I think you were there. I think you broke into it.
09:35
Nika No, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta go see a bell about stealing it.
09:41
Tim That's still, that still sounds, that still feels like you're going to the bathroom.
09:45
Nika I'm gonna go ring that bell.
09:49
Bachmann What?
09:50
Tim That sounds like you're gonna fucking jack off. Don't tell me that.
09:52
Jennifer Hampus.
09:53
Nika I'm gonna steal that bell from the town square.
09:57
Jennifer Okay, that was getting more, a little more esoteric.
09:59
Tim Yeah, I still feel like it's jacking off, but you might be shitting at the same time.
10:04
Michael R'Oarc, as you're saying that—
10:06
Nika Oh, shit.
10:07
Michael A servant comes out of the building of the castle and he comes scurrying over towards Darius Von Esper, Selene's dad, and the OT agent. And he looks rather frantic and you can't help but overhear him say that there's a disturbance in the wine cellar. He thinks he saw a rat. Then he says, "Giant rat," which, not a big deal, sure.
10:43
Nika Yes.
10:43
Michael But he's like, "Miss Von Esper is on her way now to inspect the vintages." Selene's mom.
10:52
Nika Selene, yes. Should I go kill her?
10:57
Tim No!
10:57
Jennifer Oh, so she can like feel the vibes of work and it's just like— does the sign with the, you know, when your hand goes up?
11:06
Michael She cuts across.
11:07
Nika "Oh, you want me to—" Yeah.
11:08
Tim No, no, no, don't cut her.
11:11
Jennifer You want me to go?" And she sees that they're like—
11:13
Tim Just like, cut it out.
11:15
Jennifer I'm doing the wave my hands but lightly.
11:17
Tim I'm trying not to bring attention to myself. Yeah.
11:20
Jennifer Don't kill her.
11:23
Nika So it's mother.
11:25
Jennifer She gives birth. Mother Mom is a good pussy.
11:30
Nika What the fuck? Okay, uh, she's gonna be down in the wine— the wines. Should I check? I'm gonna go. I'm just gonna go check on her.
11:38
Tim Okay, go, but don't get— don't get— don't kill her. I won't kill her.
11:42
Nika There's a big rat down there. I forgot that part. Let's go. I'm gonna go. That's— I said it to myself.
11:48
Tim I'm gonna stand here. You go there.
11:50
Nika Okay, I go, Michael.
11:55
Michael Darius is looking around and he's trying to find people to maybe help.
12:01
Jennifer He's like, "You, sir." Okay, I don't think I said this last time and I do want to say, I think I mentioned last time that Leo has kind of like a James Marsden look to him. I've decided that my father has kind of a Donald Sutherland vibe.
12:15
Tim That makes sense to me. He's kind of older.
12:17
Jennifer Maybe he's like, we'll say he's like—
12:18
Tim He's like grandpa age. He's like, yeah, he's an older dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:22
Michael So he's like looking at like the chef. He's like eyeing up people who he thinks might be able to deal with a rat problem.
12:28
Tim I could help deal with a rat too. I mean, I was in the war. I don't know. Hmm. It's not a big deal.
12:36
Bachmann It kind of feels like an early game quest, but—
12:38
Tim Yeah.
12:40
Jennifer Kill 10 rats.
12:41
Tim Michael, bring them back. Subverting the thing by waiting till we're level 13 to do it.
12:45
Jennifer We just like absolutely like explode like 50 rats at one time. Get fucked. How many rats can I kill with a fireball? Let's go. No! I think a lot.
12:56
Michael Ooh, I don't know. Do you guys think you can handle a rat? I think it might be a giant rat.
13:01
Nika We fucking love giant rats.
13:02
Bachmann Yeah, done.
13:03
Tim I don't give a damn. I've catered with these three before. We've had to fight big old gator once in the sewer. That's real, you know, that happens.
13:11
Michael Okay, well, I don't want anyone to know. Obviously this is a big occasion.
13:16
Tim Let's just say I'm good. With secrets.
13:19
Nika I think I— We could get paid in secrets. Huh?
13:25
Tim Yeah, that would actually be really good. That's what I was implying, but that's like, is better.
13:29
Nika Yeah, like if we did this, you could pay us in a few secrets.
13:32
Michael I don't know how I would do that. I don't think—
13:35
Tim Well, you got time. Yeah. We'll go bash this rat. It'll be good.
13:41
Michael I was thinking more of a handsome reward of some kind, monetary.
13:48
Tim Oh, that's good too. That's good too. We could buy secrets. What about a favor?
13:53
Nika Are you wildly connected?
13:54
Tim Favor? Yeah, that could be.
13:57
Michael Yes, I'm extremely connected. Insight check. My dice is gone.
14:03
Jennifer It fell down.
14:04
Tim Oh, I rolled bad.
14:06
Michael Uh, 12. No reason to not believe him.
14:09
Nika Sure, sure, it's true. My, my insight is on an 11 minus 1, so a 10, Michael.
14:15
Michael Yeah, you're pretty sure he's You don't, yeah, whatever.
14:18
Tim Hell yeah. All right, well, don't worry about it now. Put it on our tab, whatever that means.
14:23
Michael I don't, I can't, no. Shh.
14:26
Tim We know you're good for it. And I put my finger on his lips. Don't worry about it. Spit on it. This is just, what? Spit on it. What? Stop. You just said you were gonna leave. What's happening?
14:38
Jennifer Well, I was leaving, but then there's a big rat.
14:40
Nika Michael said that I, sorry. Who's Michael? Sorry, this weird voice. I suddenly saw this servant scurrying around in this weird voice. It was mixed metal. There's a groove to it, so I wasn't sure.
14:51
Tim I mean, we don't know if it's legally mixed messages or, like, heightening the tension or a third thing. I mean, you do have that rat whistle, so maybe that's what it is.
14:59
Nika Oh, yeah! Okay, see, because in my head, I was thinking that maybe I could just take the rat and it could be like a pet.
15:07
Tim Yeah, and you are the most Charlie of us, and Michael is correct, whoever that is. You're probably the one that thinks about rats, like, a lot.
15:14
Jennifer Yeah, I think of all of us, you'd probably think of rats the most.
15:17
Tim Yeah. Yeah. Screetch thinks of bats.
15:19
Michael Yes. Mm, okay. Do you think of all animals?
15:22
Tim You think about all animals.
15:24
Bachmann Is this a conversation our characters are having or we're having?
15:27
Michael I think it's both. Yes, I think it's both. I think it's both.
15:30
Tim Our nose are bleeding because we know Michael exists for a little bit, which is not great.
15:33
Jennifer Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all sort of freaking out and then we're like, ugh.
15:37
Tim Just like paradise. Who's Michael?
15:38
Bachmann Screetch knows you're right, but he's still kind of offended. And I pull 3 rats out of my magic hat. I'm like, save.
15:44
Michael Save those.
15:46
Bachmann No it can't! It's on cooldown now for the rest of the day.
15:48
Tim Alright well hold those we'll feed it to the big rat.
15:50
Nika Okay, can I play my rat pipe? And then they could just like— I don't know where they go with the rat pipe. Doo doo doo doo da doo doo.
15:56
Tim Let's go downstairs before doing any rat shit guys come on!
15:58
Bachmann I feel like there was something about them specifically hating us.
16:02
Tim Hide those rats! We're at the briefing! I'm so sorry.
16:05
Michael That's right you can summon rats but they don't like you.
16:08
Bachmann Yeah, they don't like me and they don't heed any instructions.
16:11
Jennifer They're freaking out. They're just around.
16:12
Michael Yeah. This is a loose rat.
16:14
Bachmann My fingers are getting chewed to the nubs. I used my finger.
16:17
Tim I had a rat hat in our Thursday game to save myself from a giant hungry hippo. Wow. So, there's many good things you can do with rats.
16:24
Jennifer With a rat hat. Yeah, with the rat hat.
16:25
Bachmann Were you doing the classic, like, elephant is afraid of mice type thing? Is that what was happening there?
16:29
Tim No, he was hungry and I wanted it to eat the rat instead of me. Wow. And then it found a whole bunch of dead bodies and it was like, yummy.
16:36
Nika And it loved it. In my therapy D&D game, I have a rat. My character has a big rat. An R-O-U-S.
16:42
Michael What does that mean? What do you think that means?
16:44
Jennifer What do you guys think that means?
16:46
Tim Well, it is really funny to think like every choice in the Therapy D&D game is like therapy. It's like, what does the rat mean to you? What does the rat represent? I guess to me it's like I just like cheese a lot and I'm always going on adventures for my cheese and stuff.
17:00
Bachmann Oh yeah, Nika, you can control these rats. It's indifferent towards me and other creatures and isn't under my control, but it doesn't say that it can't be put under control.
17:08
Nika Okay, Michael, I believe I have this thing. Hold on. I'm pretty sure I took it where I can talk to animals. We're walking down the hole, by the way.
17:15
Tim This is all natural.
17:16
Jennifer Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're walking down.
17:17
Bachmann We're walking down. We're walking. We're on the move.
17:19
Tim Yeah, we're on the move. We're getting quite into the magic territory. He's a magician, I say. He's a magician. He didn't put the full bed sewn into his hat the whole time.
17:27
Jennifer These are sanitary rats. They're sanitary.
17:30
Tim That explains why they're so angry. Certified plague-free rats.
17:33
Nika My husband loves to keep rat in his pants. Makes things spicy.
17:37
Tim That's his rat. That's his rat.
17:40
Bachmann That's his rat. I'm still getting used to being called your husband.
17:42
Tim Yeah. That weirded me out. I was like, who are you talking about?
17:45
Nika So sorry. Oh, yeah. I have Speak with Animals. So, yeah, I talk to these rats. Hey, what do you need, lady?
17:58
Bachmann Which one said that, Michael?
17:59
Tim There's 3. Yeah, show the 3.
18:01
Michael The middle one. Okay.
18:03
Nika What's his name? Garthule. Garthule.
18:09
Jennifer Garthule. Garthule. Okay. Where did I come from? I didn't know, I didn't exist until like a minute ago.
18:17
Nika You came from pants, you're magic. What?
18:20
Jennifer It's a hat. Hat from a hat.
18:22
Tim We can't hear you, but it's a hat.
18:23
Nika Why am I here? What does it mean? Yeah, it's a hat. It's a hat. It's a thing that's on a head. And you are gonna live. I don't know what a fucking hat is. Well, I don't know.
18:37
Bachmann I don't know what your rat brain concepts He wasn't born yesterday. Is she fighting it?
18:40
Tim They both look— they look more angry. I thought she was gonna try to, like, calm him down. They look mad.
18:45
Nika So we're gonna go beat this big rat.
18:46
Michael Do you want to come help us? Uh, how big is this rat?
18:50
Bachmann Which rat is that, Michael?
18:51
Michael That's the one on the right.
18:53
Nika What's its name?
18:54
Michael What's his name? Uh, Darthol.
18:57
Nika Darthol? Darthol? Darthol? Garthal and Darthol?
19:02
Tim Garthiol!
19:03
Nika Garthiol and Darthol. Garthuel?
19:07
Tim I gotta remember those.
19:08
Jennifer I'm writing them down, by the way.
19:09
Tim Get fucked, Michael. Well, I think we've done the, like, is it the same rat every time science, and I forget what we came up with.
19:15
Bachmann I don't think it is, no. And it only exists for 1 hour.
19:17
Tim Yeah, because— yeah, yeah, I think you're right.
19:19
Jennifer They're gonna go away after an hour?
19:21
Bachmann Yeah. Damn. So we definitely should establish backstories for these rats.
19:25
Tim Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:26
Jennifer And we can't eat them. They just got invented.
19:29
Tim Yeah, you can't eat them. It's like a diet. They disappear from your tummy.
19:32
Jennifer Oh, that's so true.
19:32
Michael Oh yeah.
19:35
Tim That's a little hack.
19:35
Michael That's a good idea for a rat.
19:37
Bachmann Yeah, we should slurp down the left rat before he has a chance to talk.
19:39
Tim Okay, yeah. Bash, bash, bash, bash!
19:42
Nika Michael, we eat him immediately.
19:45
Tim I'm the smart one! Do you really? No! No, Michael. We can't bash a rat.
19:50
Michael We put it in our butts.
19:51
Nika Do you really? I look at Screeetch and I give him that look. He knows that look where it's like, you want to eat this rat?
19:57
Tim You're not going to eat me. You know that look. The are you going to eat that rat look. Don't eat me.
20:02
Bachmann You're not going to eat me, are you?
20:03
Tim This bitch doesn't know how to not be told to kill a mom. But she knows the sign for "let's eat rats together." She has 10,000 specific looks.
20:13
Bachmann I can't go through them all now, but we have a spreadsheet that Nika and I worked out. It's all 10,000 looks.
20:18
Tim You guys are married, and killing a mom hasn't come up before. Eat rats comes up a lot. A lot.
20:24
Jennifer It's all the time.
20:24
Nika You'd actually be surprised how much eat rats comes up.
20:27
Bachmann It's like number 7 that we came up with.
20:32
Tim Yeah. It saves so much time.
20:35
Jennifer Ah, so what is the point of this?
20:39
Bachmann Existence. To kill big rat. Damn it.
20:41
Jennifer Yeah. I think it's for you guys, kill this bigger rat.
20:44
Tim We can't hear. You brought me in to kill this rat? Bachmann might be able to. I don't know. They came from his hat.
20:50
Bachmann No, I can't.
20:50
Nika You're going to kill the big rat. And then whenever you, like, end up passing, like, not that that's going to happen anytime soon or in, like, 59 minutes and 30 seconds. Am I going to die? No, you're not going to die in 59 minutes and 30 seconds. Holy shit, am I going to die?
21:04
Tim No. I'm going to die. No. What do you know? Nothing. I was freaking out. That's crazy.
21:09
Nika Actually, I know a lot. So. Oh. Yeah. Uh-huh. I'm your god.
21:15
Tim But not like in the big G. You're like a big naked god.
21:18
Jennifer Yeah.
21:19
Tim Where's your tail? Wait, your pussy's still out? This is my skin.
21:23
Nika It's all spiky.
21:24
Jennifer Oh, because there's no fur on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're like, where's the pussy's tail?
21:29
Tim Her pussy was out and we denied her her nanites.
21:32
Jennifer You gotta put the pussy up when the rat's coming home.
21:34
Tim Put the pussy out.
21:34
Jennifer It's not safe.
21:35
Nika Pussy has been put away while the rats are out.
21:37
Tim That's our Big Dog shirt. Yeah, when the rats are out. Pussy goes away when the rats are at play. Let's start a big rat company.
21:45
Jennifer Big rat. Yeah, big rat. Oh my God.
21:48
Tim Sorry, that cheese in the trash is mine. I need that.
21:52
Jennifer I need a big rat shirt.
21:53
Bachmann I'm writing that down. I'm writing that down.
21:55
Michael That's a good idea.
21:56
Tim That was a good one. That's a marketable idea right there.
21:59
Bachmann Yeah, that's a good one.
22:01
Jennifer I just put in my notes, big rat shirt. We should make one.
22:05
Michael I'm 12 and love your podcast.
22:08
Tim We hear that all the time. Oh no! We're talking about horrible things! Shout out to all the 12-year-olds that listen and now have, like, children.
22:15
Bachmann We have a 12-year-old energy.
22:16
Jennifer Not gonna lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Mr.
22:20
Michael 12-year-old, you got any disposable income? You want to buy a big rat shirt?
22:25
Tim Steal your parents' credit card, kid. And this is in character, not in the real world, of course. Okay, locking the door. Thank God. You were 12 when we started the podcast. Yeah, that's right. Just kidding.
22:36
Nika I'm 33. Thank God.
22:38
Jennifer So, are we done here or what?
22:41
Nika No. So, yeah, you're going to go down there and then whenever you end up passing, you will—
22:48
Tim What the fuck? Why do you keep talking about this?
22:50
Nika Stop it. You have to stop getting caught up on that part. That is just something—
22:54
Tim Why do you keep bringing it up? Because I'm trying to understand. Jesus. Oh my God. I'm just trying to tell him to shut up.
23:00
Jennifer You'll be a hero.
23:02
Tim Or I guess it's R'Oarc. Who's Mika? What the fuck is wrong with us? I'm going to be a hero to who? To other rats that don't exist for long?
23:11
Nika You don't know how long you exist.
23:13
Tim Oh, right. Yeah. We don't know that. We don't legally know that.
23:16
Nika That's why I said you're passing at an indeterminate time.
23:20
Michael All right. It's very dark. It's grim.
23:25
Nika Well, life is grim, friend. Garthal and Garth— Garthuel and Darthuel.
23:31
Jennifer Darthal. Darthal. Darthal the third one.
23:33
Tim Darthal the silent third one that has probably not been eaten.
23:36
Jennifer I think he was trying to talk earlier, but there was a lot going on. Yeah, I was trying to eat it.
23:40
Nika He did not get eaten. Jumped on it. So you're going to help us?
23:43
Michael I don't know how I'm going to help you, but I'll try, I guess.
23:45
Tim I don't know. Yeah, whatever feels good. You guys are really jawing. What the fuck are you talking about with this rat? We're getting close to where the big rat is. This is the deepest basement.
23:53
Jennifer We've been going down steps for all—
23:55
Tim yeah, what's this, Final Fantasy 7 but in reverse? Am I right? Am I right? Yes.
24:00
Michael So you get to the top of the stairs for the basement, um, that's where the— oh, the guy, the, the, the, the servant— is that right? Is that the right word I want to use?
24:11
Tim Servant? Man at arms? That's not it. Is—
24:14
Michael they show you where it is, and that, that's when you run into Selene's Mom. Mrs. Von Esper.
24:22
Nika Is she hot?
24:23
Michael Um, Selene, is your mom hot? Uh, yeah, I think my mom's—
24:27
Jennifer I think my mother is a handsome woman. Yeah, like she's got a little gray, she's got a little distinguished gray. Oh, um, fuck, hold on. What's her name?
24:36
Nika Like a Helen Mirren? Like a Glenn Close? No, what's the lady?
24:41
Jennifer I always think she's French, but she's not actually French, but she plays the mom, Megan's mom, in Mad Men. Julia Child? No, I will find it. Julia Ormond. Kind of a Julia Ormond vibe.
24:52
Tim So I can see a part of her body.
24:53
Jennifer She's hot. I had a crush on Julia Ormond like a long time ago because she was in a King Arthur movie. Oh my gosh, she plays— yeah, yeah, I love— I fucking love First Night. Oh my God. Yeah, Julia Ormond.
25:08
Tim There's a little bit, a little more gray, a little gray in her hair.
25:10
Nika Okay, like a streak, like a—
25:12
Jennifer yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, by lightning.
25:13
Michael Yeah. You hear a crash coming from down the stairs as you're walking up.
25:21
Tim And she's like, "My word!" Don't mind us or the rats that this woman is yelling at. "My word!" What's her voice like? We're going to go down there. Oh wait, you don't want to know, but we're going down there and these are magic. But don't tell anybody. And by magic, lowercase m magic.
25:37
Michael I'm— What's your mom's voice like? I know.
25:43
Jennifer I mean, she could have a voice like this. I don't know. I was thinking, what's in your—
25:47
Tim Really sex it up. This is a Ross voice.
25:49
Nika Sexpot.
25:50
Tim Michael, really sex it up. Oh, yeah.
25:51
Nika We don't have a Ross in this.
25:53
Jennifer Or she could have a horrid voice. I don't know.
25:56
Bachmann Make it like one of those, like, '90s, like, phone sex lines. Like, 1-800-COME-HOG.
26:02
Tim Mm-hmm. Is your hog hard? Are you at a payphone?
26:08
Jennifer Do you have rats in your pants? Is that a rat in your pants or are you happy to see me?
26:15
Michael Oh. Uh. Mm. Mm. Stop. Oh. Mm. Hi, I'm Jennifer's mom.
26:24
Jennifer Jennifer's mom!
26:27
Michael This is me, Jennifer's mom. It's me, Jennifer's mom.
26:31
Tim That's what she sounds like, yeah.
26:33
Jennifer Yeah, my mom actually sounds like that.
26:35
Michael Uh, who are you? Are you, uh—
26:38
Tim We're just some, uh, servants that work with the catering company for the wedding.
26:43
Michael There seems to be some sort of disturbance downstairs.
26:45
Tim Sorry, Michael, can you remind me? Are we not— or we wanted to hide— we want to hide the existence of the rats from her, right? Because from the general public.
26:54
Michael Okay, for sure.
26:56
Jennifer So the guests don't think like, oh my God, this wedding is full of rats.
27:01
Tim This wine tastes like rat.
27:03
Jennifer Oh my God, there's so many rats.
27:06
Nika There's been an issue in the vintage. The temperature has risen from 58 degrees up to 62. And you know what that means, Miss Selene. Miss Von Esper. Miss Selene.
27:16
Tim Miss Selene's mom.
27:17
Jennifer Daddy to my daughter.
27:20
Michael That's bad, I believe. So bad.
27:24
Nika I knew you knew how bad this was. We probably need you to stay away for the next 59 minutes and 24 seconds.
27:31
Michael Roll persuasion. Or I guess deception.
27:37
Tim I do think a big rat's body temperature would raise the temp, but Yeah. I don't know how much. I don't really know a lot about the science of the rat.
27:44
Jennifer If your wine cellar is filled with the bodies of warm rats, it will make the wine warmer than it should be, for sure.
27:51
Nika I have Lucky and I've never used it. Can I do that? I have 5 Luck points.
27:57
Tim Sounds like Michael's lucky.
27:59
Nika Give myself advantage on the roll. I rolled a 3 and I rolled a 1. So my total— Is 10. Get him out of the way.
28:09
Tim Get him out of the way.
28:10
Michael That's so sad. Ah, well, this actually— if the temperature has risen to those degrees, then I, I must inspect it myself and make sure that everything's on the up and up. I'll vomit.
28:25
Tim Is that— did you say that? Yeah. No, no, don't worry about it. Don't— what? That's not gonna help. Uh, there's, there's a situation. We were trying to keep it on the DL, but looks like there's a pest problem. We're going to go ahead. That's why we have these 3 things that guy is holding. What? The rats, lady. The rats. These are— well, these are—
28:44
Jennifer these are— these are traps. Holding them out. Yeah. These are trap rats to catch a bigger rat. Yeah. So it's part of it.
28:50
Tim It's a whole—
28:51
Bachmann this one looks like she's going to throw up. They'll disappear in an hour. You can eat the left one.
28:57
Tim No, no, we're going to eat the left one. We have dibs on that one.
29:02
Jennifer Yeah, it's the fattest one.
29:03
Tim Yeah, just— I'm sorry, ma'am. It would be like— to do our craft, we need space. And apparently it's a big situation. I'm sorry. You, young woman.
29:13
Jennifer She's talking to Selene. Yes, milady. You seem—
29:18
Michael have you worked for me before? You seem familiar. Oh, maybe.
29:22
Jennifer Maybe in the past at some point I— and Selene, like, even though Selene has a different face on right now, she still is like, squirming and isn't really making eye contact. Maybe in the past—
29:34
Michael Stand up straight!
29:36
Jennifer Oh, yes. Also, her body language is like she's trying to act like a meek servant, but her fists are balled and clenched.
29:48
Michael Yes, I don't know what it is, but I got a strange feeling when I look at you.
29:55
Tim Maybe it's the smell. Yeah, it might be a smell. We've been talking about that. You don't smell bad.
30:00
Michael You don't smell bad.
30:01
Tim I'm so glad.
30:02
Michael Not like that one. Which one? Me?
30:05
Nika Or she? Is it me? Can I throw up, Michael?
30:10
Michael They all look— You all looked like, is it me?
30:14
Nika Which one of us smells bad? I would just like to throw up.
30:16
Jennifer You were all sniffing at each other's eyes.
30:18
Tim Yeah, it's like, fuck it, I'm throwing up. Who gives a fuck? Do you want to? You want to throw up?
30:22
Jennifer I don't understand.
30:22
Nika Yeah, because at this point I've been dry heaving for like 20 seconds and I would just like to and feel better at this point.
30:30
Tim What the heck? Stop doing that. I'm going to kick her down the stairs.
30:34
Michael What is this? What end? Yeah, I mean, barf all you want. Okay.
30:38
Nika R'Oarc just does one and then she's good. One? Yeah, just one. One? One throw up.
30:43
Michael Numerical barf? Yeah.
30:45
Nika Well, like, you know, well, because like—
30:47
Jennifer Singular barf.
30:48
Nika Yeah. Okay. Just a little barf.
30:50
Tim Why is she so good at that? We need to have a very special episode.
30:52
Michael You just go, "Bleh!" And then, like, stuff comes out, and that's it?
30:55
Nika Yeah, and then she feels better. And it stops? Yeah, because she's like, "Okay, why is this person throwing up over here? Well, I'm gonna throw up and then just be done with it. If I don't throw up, then it's just weird. She's gonna be like, 'What, were you faking it this whole time?'" So, like, you have to commit to the bit and finish through, like— This bitch is faking throwing up!
31:12
Tim Yeah, I guess that's true. I guess that's true from a certain point of view. That's what you said is true. I guess our confusion is why you started it and why you didn't stop doing it and so forth and so on, I think, is where our confusion and fear really is coming from.
31:33
Nika Felt right.
31:34
Michael That being said, Selene's mom was like, "Ah, gross!" Good idea.
31:40
Tim Nice job, actually.
31:41
Jennifer We've got it from here.
31:43
Michael Milady? Oh, you go ahead, take care of this and please clean up.
31:47
Jennifer Yeah, we'll do that. Okay, well, I guess I look around and make sure no one is around, but can I do, like, Prestidigitation to clean up the barf? Yeah. Clean or soil. Yeah, I can instantaneously clean or soil an object. The ground. The ground is an object. The ground is an object. I suppose. So I wait. I, like, look around and make sure no one's looking at me, and I bring out the Prestidigitation. Clean up the barf.
32:09
Nika It's just like that scene in Cinderella. Exactly. The things are going around and—
32:13
Tim Yeah. There's puke?
32:15
Jennifer Well, it's like floating and it's like cleaning up.
32:17
Tim Yeah. Yeah. It's not like that. It's not, sorry. It's not like that.
32:19
Nika It's exactly like that.
32:20
Tim It's not like that at all. It's just like that. That's too much whimsy.
32:24
Jennifer Less whimsy with the barf.
32:26
Nika Well, okay, fine. Minus it's like, I don't know, flails cleaning up skeleton bones.
32:31
Tim No, it's light.
32:32
Jennifer It's just light. Yeah, I guess it's just kind of— because I guess I was like pretty good, like, mage hand.
32:36
Tim You invented nanites, but for magic. You made little guys that came out that are much larger than nanites. You keep inventing nanites.
32:44
Michael They're nanites, but it's actually like little beetles. It's like little beetles.
32:46
Nika Yeah, that's fine.
32:47
Tim Teeny tiny ones. I don't know what the fuck is happening, but I'm gonna go down these stairs now.
32:52
Jennifer Yeah, it's rat time.
32:53
Michael Let's go. Yeah. All right. Yeah, Selene's mom runs off and, uh, you guys head down the stairs. You hear, um, you smell wine. You hear something smash. Oh, down below.
33:05
Tim How do I smell wine? Hell down here. That makes makes sense. It's rampaging. Okay, he's gonna drink all the wine and be fucked up. That might be easier.
33:14
Jennifer Like when it was like, what was it, a raccoon like broke in and ate like all the donuts and was like, yeah, dying. It's like that, but the rat's just getting fucking wasted on barrels of wine. Yes, that's a cool rat.
33:25
Nika He'd be easier to— unless he's a monk, then this might be fucked. If he's—
33:29
Tim oh, he's Master Splinter.
33:31
Jennifer Oh yes, could be.
33:33
Tim All right, Michael. We head down.
33:36
Michael You head down and glass crunches beneath your boots as you step down into the wine cellar. Several of the wine shelves have been knocked over. There's red wine splashed all over the ground.
33:50
Nika What kind? Red. Don't answer that.
33:53
Jennifer Yeah. A Montiano? That was a vocal step. Yeah.
33:59
Michael And then you see a really big rat.
34:01
Tim Oh my God, he is a big rat. That's crazy.
34:03
Michael You're like, look at that. It's a giant rat. And then an even bigger foot steps on that rat.
34:09
Tim What? Is it a rat foot?
34:12
Michael It appears to be a construct of some kind. It looks— it is probably big dog size.
34:22
Tim Big dog. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. I'm listening. I'm leaning forward.
34:26
Jennifer My ears perked up.
34:27
Michael But a bit long. It has clearly burrowed up through the ground and wall. And it has big diggy-looking hands and it's— Oh, like a mole? Like a mole? Yeah, and its nose is like two big grindy things. Oh! Oh, wow, that's fun. And it doesn't look like it has eyes necessarily. It doesn't need them. Doesn't need them. And it is covered in sort of metal and theonite and it looks like one of those guard beasts that has— Yeah. But it seems to have gone awry. Oh, fuck.
35:00
Jennifer Shit. A guard beast, meaning there's probably something inside of it?
35:04
Michael Probably. Like a baby rat.
35:05
Jennifer Well, I was probably a mole.
35:06
Tim A baby mole. Probably a big— Yeah, baby mole. Baby moles are fucking gross, so.
35:09
Jennifer They're kind of gross.
35:09
Tim I mean, how are we going to bash this thing and protect the wine?
35:14
Nika We have to stop it. Hit it with the big rat.
35:16
Bachmann Well, we got these 3 rats still. Yeah. Yeah.
35:18
Nika It's their time to become heroes.
35:20
Jennifer I don't know if they're going to stop this guy.
35:22
Nika I look at them and I give them the look.
35:25
Tim I take out 3 small cigarettes and I give it to them.
35:27
Jennifer You just give them a cigarette before they die?
35:30
Bachmann Tiny little rat cigarettes.
35:32
Tim They look so cool. Thanks for the smoke, buddy, but, uh, what is this?
35:37
Michael This is my last cigarette, is it?
35:39
Nika No, no, you're good. Many more.
35:41
Bachmann I'll grab all three of them by the tail and just chuck them at this thing.
35:45
Jennifer Hey, we get to smoke their whole cigarette!
35:50
Bachmann Well, three tiny cigarettes are just spinning midair before they drop to the ground.
35:55
Tim I bet it looks sick.
35:56
Michael Roll, uh, to hit.
35:58
Tim It's like a rat shuriken that's on fire.
36:00
Jennifer Kind of a Rat King shuriken.
36:03
Bachmann 20. Dirty 20.
36:04
Michael Wow. Yeah, you hit with all 3 rats.
36:10
Bachmann How much damage do they do?
36:11
Jennifer Do they do any damage at all?
36:14
Tim They have cigarettes. And on we.
36:18
Michael I think it's probably like 1 to 2 damage each. Yeah, that sounds correct.
36:24
Tim Yeah, that sounds really fair. Should I roll a two-sided die?
36:28
Michael Yeah, you can flip a coin, I guess.
36:29
Bachmann Oh, is that— Yeah, that's what that is.
36:31
Tim I guess that's what it is.
36:33
Bachmann I don't have a coin. I'll just do odds or evens. Wait, which one is the— Which one is 1? Which one's 2? Probably 1. Odds are— Yeah, odds are low. 2 is high. Yeah, yeah, evens. So it's 2. They do 2 damage each.
36:46
Tim Oh, that's sick. Oh, that's— That's really good.
36:48
Nika Sick damage!
36:48
Tim Damn you, rats.
36:49
Bachmann Do they survive, though? Yeah, how much damage do they take?
36:51
Tim Is he dead?
36:52
Michael They also take the same amount of damage, killing them. No!
36:57
Bachmann That makes sense. You know what? That makes sense. Fine, rats.
36:59
Tim That does make sense. And that's fair, Michael, actually.
37:01
Bachmann Alright, we need to wait until dawn so I can get another 3 rats.
37:06
Tim No.
37:06
Jennifer They're sailing off like the elves do in Lord of the Rings.
37:09
Tim Is that why you summoned rats? Just to throw them at whatever we're going to fight?
37:13
Bachmann I just thought of it now.
37:15
Tim That was cruel.
37:16
Jennifer They didn't even get to smoke their cigarettes.
37:17
Bachmann They were going to die anyway. They don't exist.
37:19
Tim I guess you're right.
37:20
Michael I'm sorry. The creature's eyes turn red and it looks like it wants to fight you. Everyone roll initiative. It's good that we wasted our surprise attack around.
37:29
Tim With rats!
37:30
Nika Rats at him. Okay, this would have been more helpful last time I rolled, but I got an nat 20. Nice! Hey, go first! Which is like a 21. No, I won't be going first though, that's the thing.
37:42
Jennifer Yeah, screw Selene. Yeah, probably not. Yeah, I was like, "Screetcher Selene." I'll see you guys tomorrow. I got a 19. I got a 19.
37:50
Bachmann Dang. I got 26. Yeah, exactly.
37:53
Tim The rogue's always getting like Who knows what?
37:56
Bachmann I mean, we don't know that it's from my rogue levels. It could be from—
37:59
Tim It's from your rogue levels. Really?
38:00
Bachmann It could be from any of my levels.
38:01
Tim D&D Beyond, like, your computer would be loud as hell when you load your character sheet.
38:06
Jennifer It is shy.
38:07
Tim I don't know what to tell. Why does he have so much wisdom?
38:11
Bachmann I'm the real reason that RAM prices have skyrocketed. Yeah, yeah.
38:14
Jennifer I'm just trying to understand your character sheet. You killed Project Sigils.
38:18
Tim Like, this guy keeps loading in and fucking it up.
38:22
Michael Alright, so, Scratch, you're up first.
38:26
Jennifer That's you now that you killed these rats.
38:28
Tim Yeah, you're the rat guy. Yeah.
38:30
Jennifer That's you. Yeah, when you got the rats out, you're Scratch.
38:32
Tim Have you been a rat before? You've not been a rat, man.
38:34
Bachmann I haven't been a rat.
38:36
Tim You should be a rat!
38:36
Jennifer Oh my God.
38:37
Tim Well, squirrel, it's kind of like a rat.
38:39
Jennifer Considering how much your wife loves rats, I think you guys could really get, like, a rat, like, synergy going on. I'm the rat man.
38:47
Nika Yes! What if we did that at night? Oh my God. What? Like, like on nights whenever, like, you're not doing— I put cheese in my pussy!
38:56
Jennifer And it's gonna snap on you like a trap! I put a piece of American cheese. What? Yeah, because you put the cheese in the pussy and the cheese is a trap. The pussy is a trap.
39:10
Nika I mean, yeah, that does make logical sense.
39:13
Tim But like, why would you want to hurt your— Because he likes it. Yeah. I'm not on your level, freak.
39:23
Jennifer You don't want your dick to get rat trapped.
39:25
Tim We're just vamping so that Bachmann knows what he wants to do. Now that he doesn't have any rats, he's full of ideas.
39:29
Bachmann Yeah, but you distracted me. Oh, okay.
39:32
Tim You kept talking about pussy rats.
39:34
Bachmann No work done.
39:35
Nika Oh my God.
39:38
Bachmann Everyone be calm. Yeah, it needs to be completely silent. Completely silent.
39:42
Tim Pussy rats. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I would never title an episode that.
39:48
Jennifer That'd be so crude.
39:49
Bachmann I'm going to figure out how to do Arms of the Astral Self for next turn. But for now, I'm going to go up and I'm going to attack it with sword. That's a nat 20.
40:06
Tim Oh, yeah. Let's go.
40:07
Jennifer Look at you, big dog. He's the big rat now.
40:10
Bachmann And then I got my other attack. That's a second nat 20. Shut the fuck up.
40:16
Jennifer That is a second nat 20. She sacrificed the 3 rats and this is what happened.
40:22
Bachmann I'm not brave enough to do a lie that big. This is real. Wow. Wow. If I get a third one, I'm just— I'm going to say a lower number because no one will ever believe me.
40:30
Jennifer No, you have to say it because you got 3 rats.
40:33
Nika You got 3 rats. You got 3 nat 20s.
40:35
Tim That's true. Yeah, you sacrificed them to, like, Odin or whatever. We only ever talked to 2 of them.
40:40
Bachmann Yeah, I got a nat 10. Uh, liar. Yeah, so that's a 20 to— that's a 20 to hit on that third attack.
40:48
Michael Does all hit.
40:49
Bachmann I gotta do the math on how many d6s I get now. This is kind of wild.
40:53
Michael Fuck, it's taking so long.
40:54
Bachmann I crit so rarely, that's what it is. It's like double the hit dice, right?
40:58
Tim Or the damage. And including sneak—
41:00
Jennifer your sneak attack die too. Nice. Oh my God, this guy's fucked.
41:03
Tim And whatever else, whatever other weird shit you have most likely does. There's a few things that don't, just to make it confusing.
41:10
Nika Yeah, stop looking at a picture of Splinter.
41:12
Jennifer I was— I was— I literally was like Googling big rat, big rat species, and I was like, oh right, nutrias. They're kind of like a rat and a beaver at the same time.
41:21
Nika Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's that dice?
41:23
Bachmann Yeah, that was a 6. Fuck yeah.
41:25
Tim 35. Holy shit. Wow. What?
41:29
Bachmann That's it.
41:30
Michael God, that's a lot.
41:31
Tim Does he die? That's a lot.
41:33
Bachmann What does it look like, Michael?
41:35
Michael It looks like you slightly injured it.
41:38
Bachmann Slightly? Slightly? Are you forgetting the 6 damage that I did to it with the rats?
41:43
Tim 6 rat damage?
41:44
Michael I did actually forget about that.
41:46
Bachmann Yeah, you better count that.
41:48
Michael Yeah, count it, Michael. Sorry. I will. That's a lot of damage. I'm sorry. Thank you. R'Oarc, do you want to go? Yeah.
41:55
Nika I mean, I would love to go. Okay. I want to really just I think I want to punch this rat. Actually, wait, there's no one down here. Can I Eldritch Blast him?
42:08
Jennifer I mean, I think we can down here. Okay. I guess I'll— I guess as long as we'll try to not— I mean, wine's already been broken though, so, you know.
42:17
Tim Well, yeah, I mean, Eldritch Blast feels like really the safest spell. That's true.
42:21
Jennifer That's like more targeted. Yeah.
42:22
Nika Okay, okay, okay.
42:23
Michael Fireball would work though. I don't—
42:26
Jennifer listen, don't think I'm not tempted. Do it. I'm gonna set this whole cellar on fire. Do it, do it.
42:31
Nika Uh, I got a 21 to hit him with my Eldritch Blast. That does hit. A pip-poo!
42:37
Tim Bazinga! Oh, that's a 10.
42:39
Nika I rolled 10. Goddamn. Goddamn. 16, 22, 24.
42:47
Michael 24. Holy shit. Hike Omaha. What? It's a football thing.
42:52
Bachmann You wouldn't understand.
42:53
Tim I wouldn't.
42:54
Nika What kind of NCAA? Are you talking about gridiron again?
42:57
Michael You talking about college or NFL?
43:00
Nika Whack.
43:03
Tim How much damage did you do? 24.
43:05
Michael Baiko! 24. Very nice.
43:07
Bachmann Very nice.
43:08
Nika So much. And that's 24.
43:10
Michael Describe what you did, though.
43:12
Nika Okay, so she comes out and she sees this rat and she takes her place next to her husband. And this is the time they're going to fight. And she has 3 beams of Eldritch Blast that comes out. And so she's going to do it like a little like pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew like that. But it's just 3. So it's like pew, pew, pew. And then she looks at him and then she goes, and then she does a wink. And then she says, it has eyes. I'll have rats for you later. Rats. I'll let you get in my rat trap later. It's a mole. I'm talking to Screech.
43:52
Jennifer Oh, you're not part of this.
43:54
Nika Okay. And then that's my turn.
43:57
Jennifer I'm talking to my husband.
43:59
Nika And then I look back at my dad and I say, good luck.
44:02
Jennifer I hope you kill this rat, Papa.
44:04
Tim Okay, so that's— see, that's why I'm confused, because he's— it's still a mole and not a rat.
44:09
Jennifer Well, okay, okay. But they— we were told big rat.
44:12
Tim Yeah. And then it killed the big rat, right?
44:14
Bachmann Yeah. But it's like, it's kind of hard for me to pivot.
44:16
Tim It's still a rat to us.
44:18
Jennifer Yeah. How do we know it's not a vole?
44:20
Nika I have to kill all three of you and find three New friends.
44:24
Tim If you— Catwise? Catwise? If it's this hard for you to pivot from the big rat to a giant robot mole, I don't know what we're even doing here.
44:32
Bachmann I just got all psyched up to fight a rat. Same! And a mole is close enough. It is.
44:37
Jennifer It is also in the—
44:39
Michael Well, I don't know. It's a rodent. Is it a rodent?
44:40
Nika Yeah.
44:41
Tim Uh-huh. Okay, fine, whatever.
44:43
Nika It's a rat. Rodentia? It has a little star nose, right? Little star nose?
44:47
Tim Yeah, the little star nose. No, it has two fucking drills.
44:49
Jennifer Some of them are like that, though.
44:50
Tim Okay, but the drills could look like stars.
44:53
Michael Stars. Yes. The drills do look like stars when they stop spinning.
44:56
Nika Okay, there. See? Well, there you go.
44:59
Tim We haven't seen— That's metagaming, Michael. We're not allowed to know that. Unless it stops each time we get to hit.
45:04
Nika R'Oarc has a 17. I feel like she knows. 17 what? 17 what? Rat knowledge? Intelligence. Oh. You have to roll. Okay, but she— Anika knows that, so.
45:15
Tim That's her passive rat knowledge.
45:16
Nika Yeah, exactly.
45:18
Tim All right, Michael, who's next? Selene's turn. Yay!
45:21
Jennifer Okay. I would like to cast Rauðothim's Psychic Lance upon this mole construct.
45:30
Tim Well, this is important that you know it's a mole.
45:32
Jennifer I'll say that right now. Yeah, I need to know what it is.
45:35
Tim If you say "the rat," ain't going to work.
45:37
Jennifer That's right. And yeah, I mean, I don't have to say the name. I don't need to be able to see it or say the name, but I can see it in this case. So that's an INT save. Do we think this mole is smart? I'm going to go with no. But I could be wrong. I don't think so.
45:52
Nika I don't think they're intelligent. Well, they're slightly intelligent. No, they're not.
45:56
Michael Well, it's weird, right?
45:58
Tim Because it's like the— it's technology grafted onto a husk, so it doesn't have a high intelligence due to that, even though it itself is not smart. The robo part. Much to think about.
46:08
Michael Michael, yeah, it's 20. Okay, yes, it's intelligence. All right, all right, all right. Oh, there's so— oh my God, It's so smart.
46:16
Jennifer Stop it. What? What? Stop saying that.
46:19
Nika It's stupid. Not really.
46:21
Michael It's got an average intelligence at best.
46:23
Tim Same. 18 though. How's that roll?
46:26
Jennifer Not good enough. Stop. It's good because you had to do a 20. It's a very high challenge. Your DC is 20 now?
46:33
Michael Damn.
46:34
Tim That's so high. Wait, my DC is 20. That's cool. Yes. Forgot about that. Insane. I love level 13.
46:38
Jennifer That is 22 psychic damage upon it.
46:43
Michael Jesus. Okay, fine. Yeah. God, you guys are being so mean. What does it look like?
46:48
Nika No. What? Come on, Michael.
46:51
Jennifer Let's say— again, I do forget that the Ralph psychic lance comes out of my forehead. It's not from my hands, so I just like— I just T-pose out of nowhere, like, goes right out.
47:02
Tim Is this another spell we need to like make up a guy? Like, it's Sven's psychic lance, don't sue.
47:08
Jennifer Oh yeah, yeah, maybe it's Ralph's psychic lance. Yeah. We love Ralph's psychic glance.
47:16
Michael Right off root 4.
47:17
Jennifer But yeah, it goes, it hits it right in his damn little mole nose. Cool. Damn. And, uh, I'll try to shove it. Why not? Why not?
47:29
Tim Where'd all these spells come from?
47:30
Jennifer That's a strength save. Shove its ass. I shove it 5 feet back.
47:34
Michael Oh man. Oh man.
47:37
Jennifer This guy's in trouble now.
47:39
Michael Okay, so it dives into the ground. Oh, hey, it's running. And it goes right under the ground and swims through it like it was water. Oh, wow. And it goes underneath you guys. Oh, no. And it pops up right in the middle of you. Ah! And it attempts to grind up Selene. Grind up me. Yeah.
48:05
Nika Why would you do that?
48:06
Michael That is barely cocked, but I'm going to say it's cocked because it was a 1. Okay.
48:11
Nika It was not, Michael.
48:12
Michael Take the roll. Okay. 13 to hit. Does that hit Selene?
48:19
Jennifer No, it doesn't, actually. For once.
48:21
Michael It's not good for me because I really can't do anything else.
48:26
Tim No, you did great, Michael.
48:27
Jennifer I know, it's great.
48:29
Nika It did such a good job. It did everything it could.
48:31
Michael No, you did great. Stop it. You're a patron. I'm so scared of it. Stop it. No, I mean. Stop, you guys. It's Chuck's turn.
48:37
Tim Go on, Chuck. Yeah, it wasn't a lot that happened there, and— He tried.
48:42
Jennifer It's having a tough time.
48:43
Bachmann He went underground. Yeah. It's been hit by 3 rats.
48:47
Jennifer It's been hit with a psychic lance. Ralph's psychic lance. Yeah. It's— a lot of things have been hit upon it.
48:54
Tim It's had a hard day. Its body.
48:55
Nika Yeah, okay, it's been tough.
48:56
Tim Yeah, it's been a tough day. I'm going to cast Inflict Wounds on it. D'oh. One of my rare spells I get to cast. I don't want wounds.
49:03
Jennifer What? Tough around here?
49:06
Tim Ah, Michael, can I— well, actually, a 15 to hit. To hit.
49:11
Michael I don't think that's enough to hit its armored class.
49:14
Tim I don't love you. That's okay though. Sorry. What else can I do though? Sorry, I'm like your mole.
49:22
Michael Useless. Get +2, I guess that would help. Can you do that? Can I do that?
49:30
Tim Do you have Flash of Genius or whatever the fuck it's called? Nika? I do.
49:32
Nika Yeah, you can have it. Give it to me. It's +3. Take it.
49:35
Tim Yeah, Michael.
49:37
Jennifer Michael, you look like an idiot.
49:40
Tim That hits then. Yay! Woo! 4 to 10. My father never misses.
49:46
Jennifer Thank you, Nika.
49:48
Tim And thank you for being Johnny on the gun. 20. 20 necrotic damage, Michael DiMauro, as I touch it and shoot out yucky energy into it. Okay. All right. Then I'll use my fun little hobgoblin power to give Screeetch advantage and to give us some temporary hit points. Ooh.
50:11
Michael Okay, you do notice that after you hit it, it sparks start coming out of its central core. Oh. And its eyes get all crackly and extra red and it's like, There's like a noise.
50:27
Tim Oh, it's intimidating. It's enraged phase.
50:29
Bachmann Phase 2, phase 2.
50:31
Tim All right, get ready. Save your cooldowns. Bachmann, we each get 11 temp HP.
50:36
Bachmann That's so crazy. I know, isn't that crazy?
50:39
Tim You have advantage on your next attack roll.
50:42
Michael There's like a high-pitched whine and it's getting higher and higher.
50:46
Tim It's like building. I also put my body in between the mole and some of the whine. I don't know. For some reason, I care about property in this instance.
50:54
Nika That's such an old generation, a dad thing to do.
50:57
Tim I want to be told a good job by a certain father. That's fair.
51:01
Nika And it is an investment.
51:03
Tim It is an investment for sure. Wine's expensive. Mm-hmm.
51:08
Jennifer Scratch.
51:08
Bachmann I don't like that.
51:10
Michael Sorry. It autocorrected when I typed it, and it says Scratch instead of Screech.
51:16
Bachmann When you typed it into your brain?
51:18
Jennifer But Scratch is great because that's like one of the greatest names for the devil. Old Scratch.
51:24
Tim Old Scratch, yeah. You're young Scratch.
51:26
Jennifer You're young Scratch. Yes. Young Master Scratch. The Adventures of Young Scratch.
51:32
Michael Young Scratch.
51:33
Jennifer Scratchik.
51:33
Bachmann If I wanted to make an unarmed attack, would I have to put away a weapon? Is there like an action to like—
51:39
Tim It's not an action to like drop it.
51:41
Michael Yeah, you just drop it.
51:42
Bachmann Oh yeah, I'll drop it. I'll pick it up later. Okay. So yeah, I'm going to attack with my short sword, which is not a short sword. It's claws.
51:50
Michael 21 to hit. That hits. Okay, okay.
51:53
Bachmann I'll use my bonus action to do Flurry of Blows. So I'm gonna drop my sword and just punch it in its mouth.
52:03
Nika Hell yeah, punch the fuck out of it. Oh my gosh, fun.
52:07
Michael So you slice it and then punch it?
52:09
Bachmann Yeah, I've just never spent a Focus Point, so I feel like I probably should. Yeah, yeah, spend one, spend one to hit it twice.
52:15
Michael Wait, are you a monk? Partially.
52:17
Bachmann Yeah. On my mother's side.
52:18
Tim Michael, he's a lot of things. Since when?
52:20
Nika This was 2 levels ago, right?
52:22
Bachmann No, I'm Monk 3 right now. Hmm. Oh. I'm Rogue 4, Fighter 2, Monk 3, Ranger 4. I don't understand why we keep forgetting this. It's pretty straightforward. That is going to be 20 to hit.
52:34
Tim Yeah. I think you can, if you have one hand open, you can flurry of blows it.
52:40
Bachmann That was my understanding too. Yeah, I'm punching with the same hand.
52:43
Michael What about flurry of kicks, says the chat.
52:45
Jennifer What about flurry of stabs?
52:46
Michael I don't want to say who said it.
52:48
Nika Michael, I saw that and I was going to ask, would you allow kicks instead of punches?
52:54
Tim I think legally, probably-ish. I don't give a shit.
52:57
Jennifer I feel like a blow can come from a leg.
52:59
Tim It's unarmed strikes. Yeah. Right, a foot.
53:02
Bachmann Yeah. What's more unarmed than a leg?
53:04
Jennifer That's very true. That's so true.
53:13
Bachmann Well, that second hit is an 11, Michael.
53:17
Michael 11 misses. Oh my God. Suck. All right. Well, all that for nothing.
53:21
Jennifer You kick into the air.
53:22
Bachmann Not all of it. I did two unarmed strikes. The first one hit.
53:25
Jennifer Okay. Okay.
53:26
Tim Viper Alistair says headbutt him. And the idea of headbutting a robot, like, get fucked. Like, I'm dead. Oh, no. I hit the drills. I came home with a concussion. Tell my wife I love her.
53:36
Bachmann Yeah, it's 15, Michael. Great roll.
53:38
Michael Not my best work. All right, great. Are you done?
53:41
Jennifer Mm-hmm.
53:42
Nika R'Oarc. Okay.
53:44
Michael You're up. This thing is smoking and it sounds like it's ticking. What? It's got energy popping and sparking out of it and its core is vibrating.
53:57
Nika So I should get right up next to it, give it a lick. Blech. And punch it. Shocked you? I'm going to do again an Eldritch Blast. 'cause it worked well last time and I can do it from a ways away. I rolled a 14 again, so I got a 21. That hits. Thank you so much, Michael. Wait a minute. It hits with 3 bolts, but do I have to roll each time or does it hit?
54:25
Tim For Eldritch Blast, you do. Okay, sorry. 'Cause you can choose different targets if you want.
54:29
Nika Mm, okay, so I didn't do that, Michael, and I definitely got 2. I rolled the damage for 3. Hits. So, um, why don't you see if you actually hit 3 times? Well, I'm gonna do that for this one, but I just wanted to be honest with you about the last one.
54:43
Michael Oh, you mean the first time?
54:45
Nika Yeah, the first time, because I'm sure someone will listen to it and they'll—
54:48
Tim well, I didn't hear it. Yeah, I heard clunk and then clunk.
54:54
Nika Um, okay, then I got a 15.
54:59
Michael Total?
55:00
Nika Yeah, that misses. Wow. That's fucking rude. Okay, well then I guess the 10 will miss also. So 1.
55:07
Michael I'm glad I didn't tell you the first time. Jesus. Thank God.
55:10
Tim Jesus. You cheated again. I'm real glad I cheated the first time.
55:14
Michael Thank God we had you actually roll it.
55:17
Nika I got an 11 damage. Okay.
55:21
Tim It like just goes, huh? I don't have feelings, but I do feel embarrassed for you.
55:29
Nika R'Oarc does look at Screech being 27 different classes and all of these different skills and then, "What? What?" It's crazy.
55:41
Bachmann You can multiclass. It's easy. I have.
55:43
Tim I have. I think that's actually her problem.
55:47
Jennifer Exactly.
55:48
Tim Her stats are all over the fucking place.
55:51
Nika But that's my turn. That's it.
55:53
Jennifer Selene. Okay. Don't want to set the cellar on fire.
56:00
Tim Oh, did you incapacitate him with your psychic glance last turn?
56:03
Jennifer Yeah. Oh, wait. Uh, yes. So he's prone.
56:09
Tim That's why he missed his attack. Right.
56:10
Jennifer Because he was incapacitated.
56:13
Michael That's right. Right. Right.
56:16
Nika So does that change with what would hit him based off what I hit him with? Mm-mm. Okay, fine, Michael.
56:23
Jennifer Okay. I mean, I think I may just, like, psychic lance him again. It's a great spell. Because the other— the only other thing I could think of is to do my Maximilian's earthen grasp. It's like, that doesn't do a lot of damage. And like, I— this— this mole is the master of the earth. I don't think that I can out-mole a mole. You know what I mean? That's just hubris to think I can do that. I better keep just shooting pupa. Pupillar lasers at this guy. That's kind of my zone, fire and pupillar lasers.
56:50
Tim And the incapacitating aspect of the lance makes it one of the best spells.
56:54
Jennifer Yes, agreed. At our level. Yeah, so okay, well, let's, I'm trying to save my spell slots and not use all my shit up. You don't need them. Okay, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna cast it at a 4th level again. You don't need them. I might, and that's an intelligence save once again, Michael. Yeah, Michael.
57:14
Tim 20. 9. Oh no, that doesn't get it.
57:19
Jennifer Does not do it. God damn it. Okay, let's roll 7d6 again.
57:25
Michael You can tell me this guy's incapacitated again.
57:28
Jennifer Yeah, he's incapacitated again, and he gets hit this time. We'll never say it. Yeah, 23 psychic damage is also upon him.
57:34
Michael God damn, fuck me.
57:35
Jennifer That's a lot. I'm just— again, T-pose. It comes out like it's like skinny, almost like meow.
57:45
Michael Yeah, it just vibrates and shudders on its turn, I guess, because it's incapacitated. Nice job. I'm Chuck. You're up.
57:54
Tim Okay, I'm up.
57:55
Michael This thing looks rough.
57:57
Tim It looks rough. Thanks, God. I'm Chuck. It's time to fuck. I'm going to have sex with them all. Let's praise the Lord and be all right. I'm going to Inflict Wounds again, Michael DiMauro. Okay. That's my friend, Screetch. 24. Hits. Yes! You touch him. Yeah, I'm shooting so much spooky anti-life juice into this mole. I don't know why I upcast this one when it's clearly fucked up, but—
58:34
Jennifer Here we go again on my own.
58:39
Tim 37.
58:40
Jennifer Oh my God, 35. What the fuck? To hit?
58:44
Tim No, I— that was 24 to hit. Just kidding. I'm kidding.
58:49
Michael Michael, Michael, what does it look like when you kill it?
58:53
Tim I'm just like shooting so much negative necrotic anti-life energy into it, and then probably the only thing alive inside of it being the baby mole, I presume, uh, just pops or something.
59:06
Michael You hear, you hear a pop on the inside.
59:08
Jennifer It goes scanners mode.
59:08
Michael Ew. You hear a pop and sizzle.
59:10
Tim Ew, I think I popped the thing inside of it.
59:13
Michael And the whine, the high-pitched whining stops.
59:17
Tim And just in case, I want to push it down one of the holes it made.
59:21
Jennifer Yeah, we got to push it down in there. Put a big rock on top of it.
59:23
Bachmann I want to slurp down one of those dead rats.
59:25
Tim They're gone. There's just one big, large dead rat, though. You can eat that. You can eat one large dead rat.
59:31
Bachmann Doesn't change that I want to.
59:34
Tim It is one of them. That's true.
59:36
Nika They look so juicy. Michael, I write a note. What? How long has it been since the rats were here? I.e., how long can it be till we catch— Oh, the spell is the next day, right?
59:46
Michael It's once per day.
59:47
Bachmann It's at dawn. It's at dawn specifically. New rats at dawn.
59:50
Michael Okay. Yeah. And it's about 4:00 PM right now.
59:53
Nika Okay, Michael, I would like to set an alarm for dawn.
59:57
Michael On what? His nanites.
59:58
Bachmann Hey, Michael, set an alarm for dawn tomorrow.
01:00:02
Jennifer She's asking, like, she wants a wake-up call, like in a hotel.
01:00:05
Tim Yeah. Well, in this case, the wake-up call is Scratch throwing a rat at you.
01:00:10
Bachmann Stop saying Scratch.
01:00:12
Nika Okay, y'all, I really need to go get that bell. I think I'm going to get another warning slip if I don't go get it.
01:00:19
Tim What bell?
01:00:21
Nika The one in the town center. Let me open up the showender. It's the OT checkpoint on Lantern Street. I'm gonna get it.
01:00:29
Tim Have you told us about this?
01:00:30
Nika Yeah, 3 times. But I'm not gonna ring it, even though I said previously I was gonna ring it. I won't do that because I'm not supposed to.
01:00:39
Michael Okay. All right, well, maybe we'll see that next week.
01:00:43
Jennifer Yes. Perhaps.
01:00:44
Nika The bell up the stairs. Another. Mayhaps.
01:00:47
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01:01:39
Nika Do that. Because if you get any of the dice, you definitely want the Dracona Rita because they are so beautiful.
01:01:43
Tim They're really good, though, too. You know, they've lasted longer than any dice I have.
01:01:48
Nika I use them all the time. They still look brand new. They're beautiful.
01:01:52
Jennifer Hell yeah. You're like the kiwi strawberry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I don't like fruit milk. Someone in the chat earlier asked about my cantrips. I actually have, like, a lot of cantrips because those are, like, free.
01:02:02
Nika I mean, obviously free for me.
01:02:03
Jennifer I have Chill Touch, Firebolt, Mage Hand, Mind Sliver, Prestidigitation, Ray of Frost, and Shocking Grasp. You have Fireball? Firebolt. Firebolt. Bolt. Well, I have Fireball. I have Fireball also. What? But not as a cantrip. I have Firebolt.
01:02:17
Tim No, Firebolt. That's why she casts it so much. That's why she casts it so much. I just love fire.
01:02:22
Michael Hey, do you want to get in touch with us? We're on Blue Sky. We're @D&D Podcast. We're also on Instagram @greedingsadventurers. And you can find me on my Patreon where I'm making a video game that we talked about earlier at Thrifty Crafts or on Blue Sky or those other places.
01:02:39
Tim You can follow me on Blue Sky and get all the hot updates on projects and so forth.
01:02:46
Michael @TimLanning. Also, do you have a World of Warcraft guild?
01:02:50
Tim I'm being somewhat serious. I'm interested in exploring my raiding options. I got a Restoration Druid. Hit me up. Hit me up. I'm unsure if I want to leave my guild or not, but, you know, might as well ask.
01:03:04
Jennifer You can explore options. Explore options. Maybe there's a good option out there.
01:03:06
Tim Yeah. Is there drama in the guild? No. That wasn't convincing. No, the drama's me. I don't like some of them.
01:03:14
Nika Oh, yeah.
01:03:14
Tim It's not like they're— Yeah. And I can't tell if it's just me being cantankerous because they are annoying, but I don't hang out with a lot of annoying gamers. So maybe I have shorter shoes. Yeah, right. And maybe everyone's like that, right? I don't know.
01:03:31
Jennifer You can follow me on Blue Sky @JenniferCheek. And Tim, when's our—
01:03:35
Tim when's Trip Fares? I was waiting for you because you wanted to do some updates. Oh, I'm ready. Oh, okay.
01:03:42
Jennifer I'm ready to go. So. I feel like, hopefully by the time this is out, sure, we'll have it started.
01:03:48
Tim Sure. Fuck it.
01:03:49
Nika You can find me @neekahoward or @theneekahoward or whatever variation of that. Maybe throw an underscore in there. And if you like naked adults, then you should go look at my naked adult pictures on my pages. If you like it, you know where you can find it. It's in all of my things. Please go look at it and buy her things.
01:04:16
Jennifer Please go look at it.
01:04:17
Tim Please look at me. Do you like this?
01:04:22
Bachmann Do you like this? You can find me at the Mike Bachmann, just vibing. Where do we see you naked?
01:04:29
Nika You doing Game Crimes later? Not tonight.
01:04:32
Bachmann We're going to do Game Crimes on Monday. Go get a snack, stick around for 24 and a half hours, and then hop into the Game Crimes.
01:04:39
Tim It's worth it.
01:04:42
Nika Damn. Okay, cool. Well, didn't get your fill of action and adventure? Well then, in this episode of Greenens Adventures, then check out these other geekly shows like Dear Internet, the D20 Day Show: Wayward Shores, No Page Unturned, and Taverns and Caverns. If you love the work that Vince does on the show, then check out Hikikomori, a podcast of weird and strange stories from Japan. Want to support the show? The best way is to join our Patreon where you get ad-free episodes and so much much more. Join now at patreon.com/dndpodcast. After you finish taking care of your pussy rats, head on over to wherever you listen to podcasts to leave us a 5-star rating and review. New episodes come out every Monday, so go subscribe, get your quest log filled, and get ready for things to get dicey.
01:05:22
Michael Thank you everybody, until next week, keep it dicey.