Campaign Two · Episode 181
Check Point Bing Bong
After the Wine Cellar was attacked our heroes must needs to redirect both their attention and, honestly, the attention of everyone at the Von Esper away from the weird robot mole. It could take a series of lies or half truths. Or it could take simply scootin' on out of there to get the Bell from the OT check point. Probably. Maybe.Help out people being oppressed in Minnesota and Kansas!The adventure continues with Screech Echo (Mike Bachmann), Selene Von Esper (Jennifer Cheek), R'Oarc (Nika Howard), T'Chuck (Tim Lanning), and our Dungeon Master Michael DiMauro. Edited by Vincent.Podcast art by Zack Meyman AKA Zoomtoonz! Want the world to see your fan art? Post it with #DrunksAndDoodles.Find more info by clicking right here -https://linktr.ee/GAPCast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
At the table
In this episode
Dungeon Master
Michael DiMauro
as T'Chuck
Tim Lanning
as Selene Von Esper
Jennifer Cheek
as Screetch Echo
Mike Bachmann
as R'Oarc
Nika Howard
What happened
Show notes
After the Wine Cellar was attacked our heroes must needs to redirect both their attention and, honestly, the attention of everyone at the Von Esper away from the weird robot mole. It could take a series of lies or half truths. Or it could take simply scootin' on out of there to get the Bell from the OT check point. Probably. Maybe.Help out people being oppressed in Minnesota and Kansas!The adventure continues with Screech Echo (Mike Bachmann), Selene Von Esper (Jennifer Cheek), R'Oarc (Nika Howard), T'Chuck (Tim Lanning), and our Dungeon Master Michael DiMauro. Edited by Vincent.Podcast art by Zack Meyman AKA Zoomtoonz! Want the world to see your fan art? Post it with #DrunksAndDoodles.Find more info by clicking right here -https://linktr.ee/GAPCast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Word for word
Transcript
00:29
Michael Greeting, adventurers. I am Your Dungeon Master, Michael DiMaro. My pronouns are he/him. With me this week is Nika Howard.
00:41
Jennifer Hello, Michael.
00:43
Nika You, thank you for introducing me tonight. I am here. My pronouns, she/her.
00:52
Michael Great, great. Jennifer Cheeks here.
00:54
Jennifer Hello everyone, my pronouns are she/her.
00:57
Michael Tim Lanning's here.
00:58
Tim What up, what up, he/him.
00:59
Michael And let's not forget Michael Bachmann.
01:01
Bachmann Oh my God, I love your shoes. My pronouns are he/him.
01:05
Tim What's that a callback to?
01:06
Michael I don't get it.
01:07
Tim It's not a callback.
01:08
Bachmann Sometimes it's a call forward to a joke I haven't made yet.
01:10
Tim Oh, okay. All right, we're gonna be waiting. You're dropping the crumbs for us. I like that.
01:15
Michael I like that. It was pretty good though.
01:17
Tim I'm pretty falo for that seed, but I'm excited.
01:19
Nika Bachmann, can I say though that I did recently get new shoes, and so that was nice to hear, even if it wasn't directed at me.
01:26
Tim PvF doesn't like your shoes.
01:27
Bachmann Wow, you're just going to claim my compliment?
01:29
Nika No, I literally just said it was nice to hear, even though it wasn't directed at me.
01:33
Jennifer She can pretend that you were saying it to her about her shoes.
01:36
Tim She was very open about not inherently being about her.
01:39
Bachmann Not against my will, you can't.
01:42
Michael Yeah.
01:42
Tim It was just nice to hear it. I'm glad someone likes a shoe. And it could be my shoe.
01:47
Michael Um, has everyone done their taxes?
01:51
Tim No.
01:51
Nika I sent stuff to Molly.
01:52
Tim No. Michael, I was going to start it today. Instead, I did every single other thing. It was pretty funny.
01:55
Jennifer He got a lot of other stuff done.
01:58
Tim I got a lot done. I was like, I'll do it tomorrow.
02:02
Nika Listen, what's the point of, like, I'm not, I'm not gonna, I don't have money to pay them, so it's just, they're not gonna get it.
02:08
Jennifer They don't deserve my money! They don't deserve it!
02:11
Nika Yeah. Yeah.
02:11
Jennifer But I guess we gotta pay them anyway.
02:13
Bachmann I'm banking that they don't have enough employees to notice that I don't do them.
02:18
Tim I just sent mine straight to TSA.
02:20
Bachmann Yeah.
02:20
Jennifer Yeah. I was like, is this good? Is this what you want?
02:22
Tim No, Michael, I think this is gonna be the first year that I do them before Lucktober.
02:28
Michael Sober. Nice. That's my goal, too. We'll see if we get there.
02:31
Bachmann How do you make it last that long?
02:33
Tim We could go suicide pact together. We could both say no, and then we're together as a family.
02:37
Jennifer No, no, I'm dragged into this as well.
02:38
Tim Because due to our—
02:39
Jennifer I don't know if I like that.
02:40
Bachmann Yeah, but you don't give a fuck.
02:41
Nika You don't have to, Jennifer. After he goes, we can—
02:43
Jennifer Yeah.
02:44
Michael You have to stop inviting me into suicide pacts.
02:47
Jennifer Or elixir sticks.
02:49
Tim Because Michael and I are in a legally distinct different thing.
02:54
Michael Yeah.
02:55
Tim Podcast style.
02:56
Jennifer That's true. So it's like a pirate marriage.
02:59
Tim Sometimes we'll just do our taxes who knows when. And then if I know he hasn't done it, I'm not going to do it.
03:05
Michael Yeah.
03:05
Tim Have you done it?
03:07
Michael No.
03:07
Jennifer I'm not doing it. Oh, boy.
03:10
Tim Why would I do something that I don't have to do until Michael gets mad at me?
03:14
Nika No.
03:14
Michael I mean, technically, I can do mine if he doesn't do it.
03:18
Tim And I can't do mine if you don't do yours.
03:20
Jennifer Suicide pact.
03:22
Nika Well.
03:23
Tim I know, I feel like last year you did yours before mine, and then Molly was like, oh, he finished it. He gets the gold star.
03:29
Jennifer You guys are competing against each other now.
03:31
Tim No.
03:31
Jennifer Or like the opposite. Like the opposite.
03:33
Tim It's like we both want to lose. Yeah. Yeah.
03:36
Michael We're trying to hold out the longest.
03:37
Tim Yeah.
03:38
Michael Oh, well.
03:39
Jennifer We're in a post-mole and rat situation. Yeah. I think. Mostly because the last note that I took was Screetch throws the 3 rats at the mole, dealing 2 damage each and dying instantly.
03:51
Michael Yeah.
03:53
Jennifer They're like little bombs.
03:53
Bachmann That's the last important thing that happened.
03:55
Jennifer Little rat bombs.
03:56
Tim Yeah, I mean, that was what happened at the start of the fight, but still, yeah.
03:59
Jennifer Yeah, I kind of got distracted after the rest of it. That was the last thing I did.
04:02
Bachmann I think there's a case to be made that the fight was kind of over once that happened.
04:06
Jennifer Yeah, that was like— that's what tipped it over the edge.
04:07
Tim Yeah.
04:08
Jennifer The 3 rat bomb.
04:09
Tim That's true.
04:13
Jennifer Previously on Greetings Adventurers.
04:18
Michael A servant comes out and you can't help but overhear him say that there's a disturbance in the wine cellar and he thinks he saw a rat. Giant rat. Miss Van Esper is on her way now to inspect the vintages.
04:35
Bachmann Kind of feels like an early game quest. I pull 3 rats out of my magic hat. I'm like, see?
04:40
Nika I believe I have this thing.
04:42
Jennifer Hold on.
04:42
Nika I'm pretty sure I took it where I can talk to animals.
04:45
Michael You brought me in to kill this rat? I don't know how I'm going to help you, but I'll try, I guess.
04:49
Nika I don't know, yeah, whatever feels good, you know?
04:51
Michael That's when you run into Selene's mom. Oh, uh, hmm. Oh. Hmm, hi, I'm Jennifer's mom.
05:01
Jennifer Jennifer's mom!
05:04
Michael You head down, then you see a really big rat.
05:07
Tim Oh my God, he is a big rat. That's crazy.
05:09
Michael And then an even bigger footstep. Steps on that rat.
05:12
Nika Ah!
05:13
Jennifer Wait!
05:13
Tim What?
05:13
Michael It appears to be a construct of some kind.
05:18
Bachmann Oh.
05:19
Michael And it has diggy looking hands.
05:21
Jennifer Ooh, like a mole?
05:21
Tim Like a mole?
05:22
Michael Yeah, and its nose is like two big grindy things.
05:26
Bachmann I'm gonna go up and I'm gonna attack it with sword.
05:29
Tim Hmm.
05:29
Bachmann That's a nat 20!
05:31
Jennifer Oh!
05:32
Michael Oh yeah, let's go!
05:33
Nika Look at you, big dog!
05:34
Michael How much damage did you do?
05:35
Nika 24!
05:36
Michael 24, very nice, very nice. What does it look like when you kill it?
05:42
Tim I'm just like shooting so much negative anti-life energy into it. Probably the only thing alive inside of it being the baby mole, uh, just pops or something.
05:51
Michael You hear, you hear a pop in the inside.
05:53
Nika Y'all, I really need to go get that bell. I think I'm gonna get another warning slip if I don't go get that.
05:59
Tim What bell?
06:01
Bachmann Stop saying scratch.
06:09
Michael You finished off. It was more of a mole at the end of the day. Mm-hmm.
06:13
Jennifer Yeah.
06:14
Michael But you beat it. Then I believe it ended with R'Oarc remembering and wanting to do the bell thing.
06:23
Nika I got to go do that.
06:24
Michael Whatever that is.
06:25
Tim Whatever that is.
06:26
Nika Yeah. I got to go to the town and I got to get the bell, but I can't ring it.
06:30
Michael Yep. This bell quest that we've been teasing for episodes and episodes.
06:34
Nika Yeah.
06:34
Jennifer I feel like this scene feels very stressful to have a bell I'd not be able to ring it.
06:39
Tim Yeah, I'm gonna tie a little piece of string on your finger. That's gonna be like, if there's a side quest, just keep walking.
06:47
Jennifer Keep it— keep going to the bell.
06:48
Tim I'm gonna paperclip a "don't ring it" on you. Aside, put aside on her shirt, if you see my lost daughter, don't let her ring the bell.
06:56
Nika Send her to the bell.
06:58
Tim Yes, to the bell, but don't let her ring it. Oh my God, I would hate to have a bell I wouldn't be able to ring. Michael, you're literally the worst DM in the world.
07:06
Jennifer You're diabolical. How does the mind come up with this?
07:08
Nika This It doesn't bother me, Michael. I'm just going to hold the center of it. I'm going to hold its little uvula so it doesn't ring.
07:15
Tim Oh, yeah, its little clit.
07:17
Michael I didn't think of that.
07:18
Tim Bell clit.
07:19
Nika Yeah, I'm going to grab it right by the clit.
07:22
Tim Uvula is like much more correct, but.
07:24
Jennifer It's funnier to call it bell clit.
07:27
Michael Yeah.
07:27
Tim It's the important part of the bell.
07:28
Nika The little bell clit.
07:30
Michael One of the most important parts.
07:31
Tim I think it's the most important.
07:33
Jennifer Kind of what makes it a bell.
07:33
Tim Kind of what makes it a bell.
07:35
Jennifer Wait.
07:35
Michael Can't have a bell without it. So, let's say Selene's dad comes in.
07:43
Jennifer To see the aftermath?
07:44
Bachmann Is he hot?
07:44
Nika I was just going to ask what he looked like. I couldn't remember.
07:47
Michael You saw him last episode.
07:49
Jennifer Okay.
07:50
Bachmann Was he hot then?
07:51
Jennifer Well, he looks—
07:52
Michael I don't remember.
07:53
Nika He looks—
07:53
Jennifer Why have I already forgotten that fucker's name again?
07:57
Tim It's not James Marsden.
07:57
Jennifer No, he's old. No, James Marsden is what my brother looks like.
08:01
Nika Oh, Donald Sutherland.
08:03
Jennifer Yes, Donald Sutherland. I just, like, forget his name. Yes, he looks kind of like Donald Sutherland vibe.
08:07
Michael Oh.
08:07
Jennifer Yeah. So, like, if you have a certain viewpoint, he could be hot, but, like, probably not everyone.
08:13
Tim Yeah.
08:14
Nika Who is that?
08:14
Bachmann Her dad.
08:15
Nika You know what? If you, what's our email? greetingsadventurerspodcast@gmail.com. Email us if you think Donald Sutherland is hot.
08:22
Tim Hey, let us know.
08:23
Jennifer Yeah. I thought Jared Harris was hot, but didn't think he was conventionally attractive. And people were like, what? No, he is attractive. And I was like, maybe I'm wrong.
08:29
Nika Jared Harris?
08:30
Tim Which is crazy.
08:31
Jennifer Yeah. Who's this?
08:31
Michael It's just like you're making up names.
08:33
Bachmann Oh, Donald Sutherland's dead.
08:35
Michael Yeah, he's dead.
08:36
Bachmann No, I just learned who he is, but that made me kind of sad.
08:39
Tim Are you okay?
08:39
Nika Okay, well, I don't see that, but I respect your decision.
08:43
Michael How are they gonna make more episodes of Paradise? I've only seen 3 of season 2.
08:49
Tim Oh, well, he's in that.
08:50
Michael Isn't he in that?
08:51
Bachmann Oh, he's in Mad Men. He's in Mad Men.
08:53
Jennifer Donald Sutherland? No!
08:55
Michael Who's the dad? Who's the dad?
08:57
Tim Oh, that's, that's, um, that's a different guy.
09:00
Michael That's a totally different guy.
09:01
Tim That's major dad.
09:03
Michael I don't know why they changed his face.
09:04
Tim That's the Major from Major Dad.
09:06
Michael Man, all white guys all look the same.
09:07
Tim No, they don't. There's Major Dad, there's Donald Sutherland.
09:10
Bachmann Oh, he's in The Italian Job.
09:12
Nika Donald Sutherland is in The Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All. He is the oldest living Confederate soldier.
09:20
Jennifer What?
09:20
Tim Well, he's dead.
09:22
Michael Not anymore.
09:23
Nika That was the movie.
09:23
Tim Oh, he's a ghost?
09:24
Nika No.
09:25
Tim I don't think Donald Sutherland was in the Civil War.
09:27
Nika He actually probably was. If anyone was, it was him and Sam Elliott.
09:31
Bachmann Whoa.
09:31
Tim Okay. They're the oldest people. So yeah, he looks like that. Yeah, he has on his Union gray or whatever.
09:38
Jennifer Nope, nope, nope, nope. He's got on a fancy man jacket.
09:42
Nika Did you say his Union grays?
09:44
Jennifer That's what he's in.
09:45
Tim Yeah, much like that one character from Twilight. He was in the South.
09:48
Jennifer No, wrong, not happening. Remember that guy?
09:51
Tim Remember that one guy's backstory?
09:54
Jennifer That was crazy they did that in Twilight.
09:56
Tim He might have been a slave catcher.
09:57
Nika What color were the— what color was the Union?
10:00
Tim I said gray, but I think they're blue. The Southern people are blue, right? Is that right? I don't remember.
10:04
Nika The Confederates are gray?
10:06
Tim And the Confederates are bad?
10:07
Jennifer Yeah, yeah. So, you were saying it was like the guy from Twilight who was a Confederate soldier.
10:12
Tim I'm from Florida, so my education's a little different. You have to be a little patient with me.
10:22
Nika Sorry. The Confederates who just wanted states' rights. That's it.
10:25
Tim The folks that were fighting for fucking freedom.
10:27
Nika States' rights were gray.
10:29
Jennifer Freedom to have slaves. Yeah, yeah. Human rights were blue.
10:33
Nika Mm-hmm.
10:34
Michael Oh.
10:36
Tim I was at Antietam.
10:37
Nika That's crazy. Did you know that that was/is the bloodiest battle for Americans lost casualties?
10:43
Michael I didn't know that. Hello, I'm—
10:47
Jennifer You've asked me already.
10:49
Michael Mr. Darius Van Esper.
10:51
Tim Hey, hey, D-dog, what's up?
10:53
Michael Great job down here, gang. Here's 10 gold pieces.
10:57
Tim Really? I'll take all of them.
10:59
Bachmann Wait, nah, mm. We split gold pieces evenly, so just go ahead and give us all.
11:03
Tim We technically split everything evenly, but I track all of it.
11:06
Jennifer Well, there's 4 of us.
11:08
Tim So mechanically, you guys have the gold you have. I just track it all. Oh, I meant out of character. Oh, I'm T'Chuck. But this is how it works in D&D Beyond.
11:17
Jennifer I'm talking.
11:18
Tim In D&D Beyond, this is how it works.
11:20
Jennifer Yeah, I know. But where's— he is concerned why he pays 10 as a lump sum to 4 people.
11:27
Tim Oh, well, yeah, because the company takes it and we divvy it up all at the evening.
11:34
Jennifer Nailed it.
11:34
Tim Because we have to pay the cook.
11:35
Michael Also, if you would like to keep this lantern, you can as well.
11:39
Jennifer Yes.
11:39
Tim Oh, what a— is it special?
11:41
Michael Nope.
11:42
Tim Oh, thanks. I'll remember you always.
11:45
Michael It will keep you, uh, light in the darkness.
11:48
Tim We don't— none of us need that.
11:49
Jennifer I mean, yes we do. We've always needed a light.
11:52
Tim Oh yeah, I'm a white guy.
11:53
Jennifer Yeah, yeah, you're not a freak.
11:55
Tim I'm a big white guy.
11:56
Jennifer You don't know how to— you don't have a bed. I mean, I guess it's not Is that magic? Having darkvision?
12:00
Tim Kinda.
12:01
Michael Little bit.
12:02
Jennifer Or is it like—
12:02
Tim It is for you and—
12:03
Jennifer It is for me.
12:04
Tim You and Scratch.
12:07
Jennifer Screetch.
12:10
Bachmann I've never been so mad.
12:13
Tim Alright, I'll add 40 gold to our inventory.
12:15
Nika 40?
12:16
Bachmann No.
12:16
Michael 10. 10 total.
12:18
Jennifer Total? That's what— What did you think we were talking about?
12:20
Tim It's 40 gold total. I thought we were just going to get 10.
12:22
Jennifer No, we were getting 10 as a group together.
12:23
Michael I want 40.
12:25
Jennifer That's what— Exactly.
12:26
Nika I wouldn't have done this for 10.
12:28
Bachmann Welcome to the conversation.
12:28
Michael I'm giving I'm offering you 10 gold, a lantern, and 1 week of rations if you want.
12:35
Tim Why are you giving us rations?
12:37
Michael This is an appropriate reward for killing rats.
12:40
Jennifer Who? Who says? Well, it was more than a rat.
12:42
Bachmann Yeah, it was more than a rat.
12:43
Tim Yeah, look at that big-ass mole.
12:45
Jennifer This was more than a rat. We were very frightened, sir.
12:48
Bachmann Don't tell him that the mole stepped on the rats or he's going to want to pay the mole.
12:51
Tim Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, he'll give the—
12:53
Michael How did you kill this? It looks like it popped from the inside.
12:56
Tim We, we clap real loud.
12:59
Jennifer I have a special powder that expands and we shoved it straight down its gullet.
13:03
Michael Yeah.
13:04
Nika Have you ever heard of a firecracker?
13:07
Jennifer Can I do a roll?
13:08
Michael Deception.
13:09
Jennifer Deception roll?
13:10
Tim This girl wants to lie.
13:11
Jennifer I want to lie to my stupid dad who's being cheap right now.
13:15
Tim I hate him.
13:15
Jennifer Pissing me off.
13:16
Tim We should kill him right now.
13:19
Jennifer That's a great roll. That's a 27.
13:21
Tim Holy shit.
13:21
Jennifer On the deception. I am practiced at lying to my father.
13:25
Tim Yeah. You should have advantage.
13:26
Michael So wait, what was the lie?
13:29
Jennifer That I put special powders down its gullet and it expanded, and that's how I exploded from the inside.
13:35
Tim Exploding mole poison.
13:36
Jennifer Yeah.
13:36
Michael Special powders. Hmm.
13:39
Jennifer Yes, it's a thing that the small folk use sometimes.
13:43
Michael Uh-huh.
13:44
Bachmann Ah.
13:44
Jennifer You know, traditional medicines and, you know, things to deal with pests and such.
13:50
Tim Yeah.
13:51
Michael Ah, the nobility of the peasant.
13:53
Jennifer Hmm.
13:54
Michael So great.
13:55
Tim Uh-huh.
13:55
Michael Anyway, you guys need to clear out, but you can You can come back once the party starts.
14:00
Tim But do we not get an extra reward for the big robot mole?
14:05
Michael Sorry.
14:06
Bachmann Look at it.
14:06
Tim It has two drills, like a Mega Man boss. Try to pick it up.
14:10
Michael This thing is unusual, I would say. It doesn't look like your typical rat.
14:16
Jennifer Yeah.
14:17
Tim No, I mean, that dead rat is big and dead.
14:19
Bachmann It's big.
14:20
Tim But this, look, this giant mole robot made of metal.
14:24
Jennifer Boop bop.
14:24
Michael Do you want 10 gold pieces each? Is that what it is?
14:26
Tim Yeah, we'll take that. Fuck the air.
14:28
Bachmann Kind of.
14:29
Michael Okay, fine. 10 gold pieces each.
14:32
Tim Yay! I'm going to add another 40 gold. So that's 50 gold.
14:36
Michael Wait a minute.
14:37
Tim Yeah, we actually like stole out of his pocket.
14:40
Jennifer We stole an extra 10 out of his pocket.
14:41
Tim And 4 lanterns.
14:43
Michael 4?
14:44
Tim There's 4 of us.
14:45
Michael A lantern each? Fair enough. Fair enough.
14:47
Tim Okay. All right, everybody add a lantern.
14:49
Bachmann I don't actually need a lantern. So one of you guys can have 2.
14:51
Jennifer I'm supposed to do his lantern. Now I got to carry his lantern around?
14:53
Tim I know. Add the lantern to your backpacks or else.
14:58
Bachmann Oh my God. How heavy is this lantern?
15:01
Jennifer It's really fucking— I'm tired!
15:05
Michael It stinks!
15:07
Tim It's a hassle. It's nice. No, it stinks.
15:13
Michael Yeah, there's no oil for this lantern, though.
15:15
Bachmann What?
15:15
Tim You give us empty lanterns?
15:18
Jennifer We just, like, do the whole episode making him give us more and more stuff.
15:21
Bachmann It's this heavy without the oil?
15:24
Jennifer My God, this weighs a ton.
15:27
Tim Hey, Darius, you go up first real quick. Let's steal all this fucking wine.
15:32
Jennifer We don't want to cause like a huge disturbance.
15:34
Tim Well, let's say the mole did it.
15:35
Jennifer No.
15:36
Tim Oh, look at her.
15:37
Michael She doesn't want to steal from Daddy. Selene, you do remember that there is a special bottle that, you know, you would know about.
15:45
Jennifer Okay.
15:45
Michael That would probably upset him if he lost it.
15:47
Bachmann Okay.
15:48
Michael Because it's probably worth like 500 gold.
15:51
Tim Whoa, you could found a kingdom on that.
15:52
Michael For one bottle of wine.
15:54
Jennifer Do we think it's something that he would likely, like, crack open tonight for the wedding, or is it something he's, like, saving so he won't find out immediately?
16:03
Michael He's saving for something more important than one of his kids' birthdays.
16:06
Jennifer Perfect. That's—
16:07
Tim of course.
16:08
Jennifer That's what I wanted to hear, because then he won't be looking for it soon and won't put together that it was us that did it. Mm-hmm. Guys, I have a better idea instead of stealing All the wine? There's a little special something back here. And I, like, crawl, like, in the back, and I, like, shimmy, like, between some casks and, like, behind it. And you're like, what the hell? And, like, I, like, move, like, down in a way that you're like, I don't understand where she went.
16:34
Tim Where'd she go?
16:34
Jennifer And there's, like, a little trap door back behind the cask. Like, a little— it's like a little door. And when you open the— it's like the little door in our— our room.
16:44
Bachmann It's like a small—
16:45
Jennifer it's like a little closet door in the wall. It's like a little wall door, and I, and I open it, and like, I open the door, and it's kind of like, oh yeah, a little bit. It's like when I look in the briefcase, there's like a little bit of like sparkle to the wine, almost like it has a lumen, a loop. Like, it's not glow— you would not look at it and be like, this wine is glowing, but it has like a luminescence to it, like a slight—
17:08
Tim it's glowing but not magically, so to speak. Exactly. Even like, it's not shooting off light, but it's glowing.
17:14
Jennifer Like pregnant women. It's just so beautiful. It's like the most beautiful— Yeah, like pregnant women. Right, exactly. It has the glow. Exactly. I squeeze my way back out and I brandish the wand. I'm like, how about this?
17:26
Tim And Michael, I'm distracting Darius by walking up the stairs ahead of him. Like, so you— Did you get your speech ready?
17:34
Michael Yes, I did. I think it's going to be a cracker.
17:38
Tim You're going to crack them dead, big dog.
17:42
Michael Yes, yes I am. I like you. Make sure you come back tonight.
17:47
Bachmann I am.
17:47
Tim You couldn't keep me away. I'm working.
17:50
Jennifer Tried to hit on Chuck, my dad.
17:52
Tim Okay, but I'm literally working the event, but then I'm gonna have to stop working the event because you said I could sit at your table during the party.
17:58
Michael You can, in your— in my wife's seat, if I recall.
18:02
Jennifer My God, my dad is trying to get sucked off by Chuck, by human Chuck, right now.
18:08
Tim Big Shrek truck. Big Shrek human truck.
18:10
Jennifer Yeah, big Shrek truck.
18:12
Tim Big Shrek truck. Human truck Shrek.
18:17
Michael Yeah, so you swipe that wine.
18:19
Jennifer Can I, like, hide it under my maid shift? My, you know, roughspun cloth dress of a peasant. What'd you say?
18:28
Tim Did you steal 4?
18:29
Jennifer No, this one's for sharing. There's only the one of this. This is the only one. This is actually a huge fucking deal. It's not fair. And, like, actually, Probably sell those for, like, a lot of money. But they kind of keep track of, like, these bottles. Because that's, like, how special they are.
18:45
Tim Wait, magically?
18:46
Jennifer No, they keep track of them as in, like, literally in— if he tried to sell it, the number of it would get matched and it would get back to him. That's how precious this wine is.
18:54
Tim Oh, cool.
18:55
Jennifer So, we should guzzle it down and enjoy it.
18:58
Tim Yeah, we should drink it like in a McDonald's parking lot.
18:59
Jennifer We should drink it, yeah. Do like Yasmine from Industry and drink it on the subway straight from the bottle.
19:06
Tim Or Paul Giamatti in Sideways.
19:08
Jennifer Yes.
19:09
Michael Now, be careful out there. I've heard there's been some incidences, what with tomorrow being Collaring Day and all.
19:15
Jennifer Yes.
19:16
Tim What do you mean out there?
19:17
Michael You know, in town.
19:19
Tim Okay. I mean, but again, we're, like, going to be in that tent working. Right.
19:24
Michael I'm just— between now and then.
19:25
Tim Yeah, we're working. Because we're working the event.
19:28
Nika Yes.
19:29
Tim We're setting up still, you know.
19:30
Jennifer Well, but he's— but I think he's telling us to get the fuck out of here.
19:33
Michael You guys gotta go though, because we're done setting up.
19:36
Tim We have to go to our company. Well, we'll take our Union 15. There's no way Darius knows how the fuck a catering company works.
19:45
Jennifer Well, he doesn't have to know how it works. He's like, get out of my zone.
19:49
Tim Well, yeah, but we're not going out of town in his world. We're just not standing on the fucking pulpit or whatever. We're going back to the tent to make pettifours in his mind. So don't tell me to be safe. I'm going to be in a tent making pettifours.
20:02
Jennifer In my mind, the tent is outside of maybe our preparation tent.
20:05
Tim It's right over there.
20:06
Jennifer Outside the main zone. That shit's usually hidden away at such an event.
20:10
Tim Yeah, for sure.
20:11
Michael Anyway, bye.
20:13
Tim He thinks so little of us. He thinks that we're not going to do anything for the next hours. We have so many pettifours to pretend to make.
20:18
Bachmann He can't tell us to leave. The sidewalk is public property.
20:21
Tim Exactly.
20:21
Bachmann I'm a sovereign citizen.
20:23
Tim Say it.
20:24
Jennifer Trying to make me leave.
20:25
Tim And you're like, actually, you can do whatever you want.
20:26
Jennifer I don't need a birth certificate.
20:28
Bachmann I don't need to tell you why I'm recording you.
20:30
Nika Yeah. I'm an auditor.
20:32
Michael First Amendment.
20:33
Tim You're an auditor?
20:33
Michael First Amendment.
20:34
Jennifer Fuck!
20:35
Tim Wait, R'Oarc, don't you have to do something?
20:37
Nika Yeah, I'm going to go get the bell.
20:39
Tim You keep saying that.
20:40
Nika I thought I was. I thought that that's where I had been.
20:44
Tim Well, you didn't say, like, I left now.
20:46
Jennifer Well, I think we're going to go with.
20:48
Nika Aren't we?
20:48
Tim No, I just do it alone, I think.
20:49
Nika I thought I did it at the end of the episode. I'm leaving.
20:54
Michael Yeah.
20:56
Jennifer Well, then leave.
20:57
Tim I didn't know that.
20:58
Jennifer Go.
20:58
Tim Gone, then.
20:59
Nika Move your token.
21:00
Jennifer But wait, are we coming with you, though, or you need to do this task on your own?
21:03
Michael I wasn't imagining that you had to do it by yourself, but it's up to you what you want to do because you guys have free will.
21:09
Nika You guys can come, too.
21:11
Jennifer Chuck, I respect your commitment to the bit, but we are not actually parvocator.
21:16
Tim What's this bell for?
21:18
Nika I gotta get it for the echolocation.
21:23
Tim We're not doing that.
21:23
Bachmann Echo chamber.
21:24
Tim You don't need to do that.
21:25
Nika Echo chamber.
21:25
Bachmann They meet in the echolocation.
21:27
Nika Yeah.
21:27
Tim That's needlessly confusing. You don't need to do that.
21:30
Nika Well, I'm gonna do it. They're stupid because it's stupid. You can either come with me or you can not and I'll go do it by myself.
21:38
Tim Listen.
21:38
Jennifer She's an adult. She's a married adult woman now. She's just a kid.
21:41
Nika They have sent me 4 warning letters.
21:43
Bachmann Yeah.
21:43
Nika I'm pretty sure they're gonna kill me if they don't.
21:44
Tim Yeah, this is, like, gonna get dangerous now If they're dumb enough to marry Screech, I don't—
21:50
Bachmann I have—
21:50
Tim I'm not afraid.
21:52
Jennifer But your daughter also married Screech.
21:54
Bachmann How dare you call my wife dumb?
21:56
Nika I'm actually extremely intelligent, Father.
22:00
Michael Are you guys walking and talking?
22:02
Jennifer Yes.
22:02
Bachmann She made a robot suit that she drives.
22:05
Tim Yeah, I don't think she made that.
22:07
Jennifer It just happened, I thought.
22:09
Bachmann I don't know.
22:09
Nika I think I have to do it.
22:10
Jennifer She told me she made it.
22:12
Tim She might have made it.
22:13
Nika You still have to make it.
22:14
Tim All right, let's walk and talk.
22:15
Jennifer Yeah, let's walk and talk.
22:16
Michael All right, you're walking.
22:16
Tim This lantern is so heavy.
22:18
Nika He weighs 10 pounds.
22:20
Tim It's crazy.
22:21
Nika Yes, it's really hard to handle.
22:22
Michael Hey, it's me, Dick Goody.
22:24
Tim Oh, hey.
22:24
Bachmann Hey, Dick Goody.
22:25
Michael Holy shit. Where are you headed, old friend R'Oarc?
22:31
Nika We're going to the OT checkpoint on Lantern Street.
22:36
Jennifer Whoa.
22:37
Tim Oh, we got 4 lanterns. That's so funny.
22:39
Jennifer Oh, wow.
22:40
Michael Lantern Street.
22:41
Jennifer Yes.
22:41
Tim Weird. I hope we're not going to super expensive Wine Street later.
22:44
Nika I'm going to get the handbell that's over there. But don't ring it if you see it.
22:49
Tim No, hey, really, don't ring it.
22:51
Nika I'll fucking kill you.
22:51
Michael Not an idiot. I wouldn't ring it.
22:53
Tim Well, you killed those cops we told you not to, or implied it.
22:56
Michael Well, they fucking deserved it.
22:57
Tim Yeah, they're gonna spank my daughter.
22:59
Bachmann I didn't tell you not to.
23:00
Michael I haven't killed anyone. I'm a young boy.
23:02
Nika Yeah, dick, you didn't do anything wrong in killing them.
23:05
Tim Wait, you're not the Oriel?
23:06
Michael Who's the Oriel? Oh, I've heard of him. He's so cool.
23:10
Bachmann He is pretty cool.
23:11
Jennifer Wait, Selene is looking at T'Chuck like, I thought he was the Oriel.
23:15
Tim I thought I figured this out finally.
23:16
Bachmann I don't think so.
23:17
Nika This is Dick. Oh, Dick Goody.
23:20
Tim Who's the Oriole? Is that also Screech? I've seen them together.
23:22
Nika That's Scratch.
23:25
Tim Oh, his homunculus second version that sucks.
23:29
Bachmann Fucking call me that.
23:31
Tim Probably an upgrade if you ask me. You're a little freaky.
23:34
Michael Finally knows how it feels to be called Thrifty.
23:41
Bachmann I've never heard that name before in my life.
23:44
Tim He knows what it's like to be pain.
23:47
Michael A tiny, tiny little old man is pushing a great big cart.
23:52
Tim Kelp.
23:52
Michael Full of loaves of bread. It falls over.
23:57
Tim He's like, "Oh, my bread." Did it just fall over on its own or?
24:01
Nika We help him?
24:02
Michael Is it a ghost? He's pushing it and it fell over.
24:05
Nika Question mark. We pick up his cart.
24:08
Tim Michael bought the Mad Libs guide to random encounters in your fascist state. And they're pretty good. They're pretty good. Coming to Kickstarter soon.
24:17
Nika We steal a loaf of bread and then we start the plot of Jean Valjean.
24:21
Bachmann Yeah.
24:21
Jennifer Oh, let me help you. Why are we stealing from this old man?
24:24
Tim This is Michael's cabbage guy.
24:25
Michael I'm just picking up my— Oh, it's so heavy.
24:29
Tim Oh, let us help.
24:30
Jennifer Let's help you.
24:31
Tim Yeah.
24:31
Michael Oh, young people. Hello there, sports.
24:35
Tim I'm 55. Don't.
24:37
Bachmann Help him.
24:38
Michael Yes, you're young to me. That's 55. I remember those days.
24:43
Tim I bet you do.
24:44
Michael Oh, thank you. Oh, please, everyone have a nice loaf of bread.
24:49
Tim What kind of bread is it?
24:51
Michael For helping an old man. Thanks, Sporth.
24:54
Nika Do you have gluten-free?
24:57
Tim 4 bread.
24:58
Jennifer We have 4 lanterns and 4 breads and 40 gold and 1 bottle of wine.
25:02
Bachmann Somehow the bread is heavier than the lantern.
25:04
Tim Yeah. The bread is full of oil, so we have to take the bread Squeeze it into the lantern and we'll open the key. The Resident Evil puzzle.
25:13
Michael The bread is light and fluffy.
25:14
Tim Oh, okay.
25:15
Michael It's very nice. It's nice bread. It smells good.
25:17
Tim This is good-ass bread.
25:18
Jennifer I'm chowing down.
25:20
Michael I'm Old Man Bread Basket. Thank you for helping me. If you ever come by my shop, please have lots of bread.
25:29
Tim Okay. I feel like we're never going to see you again.
25:32
Bachmann Yeah.
25:33
Tim I feel like you're trying to force yourself to be a recurring character. Which is fine. I like it too.
25:37
Jennifer I'm writing it down. Old Man Bread Basket is a character. He's in my notes now.
25:41
Tim Yeah, I actually like that you want it to happen. I think that's good. But like, if a little kid walked up to us and be like, like a little fucked up goblin, it was like, adopt me! We'd be like, ew, gross, get away. Now if there was a— if we killed a goblin's family and the goblin was like, I don't have anywhere to go, adopted city USA.
25:57
Jennifer Yeah, then out of guilt we would be forced.
25:59
Tim Yeah, you're not the meat cart guy from 17 years ago.
26:04
Michael No, I don't do meat, only fresh tasty bread.
26:08
Jennifer It's very tasty.
26:09
Tim Do you have a cousin or like a grandfather that works?
26:11
Michael I don't know. Nope, nope, they're all dead now because I'm so old.
26:17
Tim Interesting.
26:18
Michael Okay, see you later.
26:20
Tim Bye-bye, good to see you. This is good bread.
26:23
Bachmann I've had better.
26:24
Jennifer He's truly a master of his craft.
26:26
Tim Yeah, I hope I'm this good at something when I'm that old.
26:29
Jennifer Maybe you can break bread, too.
26:31
Bachmann Thanks.
26:32
Michael All right. So you guys keep going. You guys head towards Lantern Street.
26:35
Tim Lantern Street.
26:36
Michael What's happening? What's— what is the plan?
26:39
Jennifer I don't know.
26:40
Michael Is R'Oarc tackling this on her own?
26:42
Jennifer I think maybe R'Oarc is, like, going up there and we're, like, watching to, like, see if she needs backup. I would assume. I don't think we all need to be, like, hovering over whatever the situation is necessarily.
26:53
Tim It feels like this is an induction to the Thieves Guild of Wives. So even though Chuck doesn't support her, he's not going to get in the way. And he is a fan of properly entering into clubs and guilds.
27:06
Jennifer Yeah. You know, this is important for her to do this right. And it matters to her. No, you don't care about that.
27:12
Michael Okay. So, yeah, it is. We're out here on the streets, guys. There's, you know, again, it's quieter than normal. There is a tense feeling in the air. You walk by a shop and there's a man and woman arguing over a trivial thing. Not important, but clearly just tensions are so high.
27:29
Jennifer Yeah, the vibes are bad.
27:32
Michael Vibes are bad.
27:33
Tim I should have given them one of our lanterns. That would really make them happy.
27:36
Nika We gave them bread.
27:37
Jennifer I already ate it. I already ate most of mine too.
27:40
Tim I'm full as fuck.
27:40
Jennifer I only have the crust.
27:41
Michael Yeah.
27:42
Jennifer I'm full as fuck.
27:44
Michael But you make it to the edge of the bazaar where Lantern Street is. And there is— there's an OT checkpoint there. Let's have— Let's say R'Oarc. Let's have R'Oarc throw me a perception. I mean, anyone else can throw a perception at me.
28:00
Tim It's her wife initiation or whatever the fuck is happening.
28:04
Nika Oh my God. I'm going to kiss my spouse. I rolled a nat 1.
28:12
Michael What?
28:12
Nika And you said a perception that I have a negative one, so I actually got a 0 on it.
28:18
Tim No! Hey, hun, take the helmet off when you're doing this.
28:21
Jennifer This.
28:22
Nika I got the helmet on backwards.
28:24
Michael I can't see shit in here.
28:27
Tim You ate the bread bowl from the center, so it's just like around you.
28:31
Nika Like, take the bread— is that not your head?
28:33
Tim You ate too deep.
28:34
Jennifer Well, I tried to help, but I rolled really bad also, so I got a 10 on perception.
28:38
Tim I'm good as fuck at perception. I'm not gonna help.
28:41
Bachmann I got an 18.
28:42
Jennifer Whoa, thank God.
28:43
Michael Well, R'Oarc, you don't really understand what's happening.
28:48
Tim 5.
28:49
Nika What are bells?
28:50
Jennifer Suddenly blinded.
28:52
Tim Luckily, your husband is here to correct it for you.
28:54
Nika I'm so glad I have a man next to me because my tiny little half-orc lady brain just can't figure out.
29:02
Tim Yeah. If you were using your boobs to Percept, you may have been able to do it.
29:07
Michael But yeah, the rest of you see there's an unusual amount of yelling going on. More than normal.
29:15
Jennifer In the Lantern District.
29:16
Michael In the Lantern District. Lantern Street. There's two OT guards at this checkpoint and they are chewing out a bunch of what look to be unruly teens.
29:25
Tim Hell yeah.
29:26
Nika What are they chewing them out about? What are they saying? Can we hear?
29:29
Jennifer Yeah, can we get a little closer to eavesdrop upon them?
29:31
Tim I'm going to go try to find an oil salesman.
29:33
Nika I know I rolled a 0, but can I hear?
29:36
Michael R'Oarc definitely can't hear.
29:37
Nika Okay, that's great.
29:39
Jennifer Take your helmet off. R'Oarc is only thinking about Belle. It's only Bell and Bell alone in R'Oarc's head right now.
29:45
Nika Oh my God.
29:46
Michael But if you guys want to sneak a little closer, give me a stealth. Somebody give me a stealth.
29:50
Jennifer I would like that.
29:51
Bachmann I'm not any good at stealth.
29:53
Jennifer I'm so bad at stealth.
29:55
Tim Don't be humble.
29:56
Bachmann I rolled double 16s on my advantage.
29:59
Tim Holy shit.
29:59
Bachmann 31 though.
30:01
Tim No, 16 plus 16 is 32.
30:02
Jennifer That's a little joke. Shh. Oh my God.
30:06
Bachmann Did you do good? Is that a good— Is that the universal sign for doing okay?
30:08
Michael No.
30:09
Tim Oh my God, it is so good.
30:10
Nika I got a 4.
30:11
Tim That's pretty good.
30:12
Jennifer I have this dice. Goodbye. You're in jail. You're in jail now.
30:15
Tim I think that's the one I was using before and I had to get rid of it.
30:18
Michael Is R'Oarc trying to listen again?
30:20
Nika Do it.
30:22
Tim All right. I'll bless this mission. You can add a d4. No.
30:27
Jennifer Don't bless it.
30:28
Nika I rolled a 6, so.
30:30
Tim Plus a d4.
30:32
Nika Plus 2.
30:33
Bachmann Wait, can I get that d4?
30:34
Tim You can get that d4.
30:35
Nika Okay. That's 6 plus 2, that's 8, minus 1, that's 7.
30:41
Tim That's a good roll.
30:42
Jennifer All right.
30:42
Nika Thanks.
30:43
Bachmann Michael, I'm a 33 now.
30:44
Jennifer Okay.
30:49
Michael Only Screetch knows this, but the— you hear—
30:53
Tim Take your headphones off.
30:54
Michael You hear them yelling at the teens and they're like, where is it? We know you took it. You took it from us. It can't just have disappeared. And there the teens are like, "You have it, man. Just fucking let us go." That's the general vibe of the conversation.
31:11
Bachmann Oh, but I don't know what they're trying to find.
31:14
Michael Yeah, you don't. But clearly they think the teens have stolen something.
31:18
Tim Oh, gosh.
31:18
Bachmann Who's hassling the teens again? Is this—
31:19
Michael These OT guards.
31:20
Jennifer OT checkpoint people.
31:21
Bachmann Oh, OT checkpoint people.
31:23
Tim On Lantern Street.
31:24
Michael On Lantern Street.
31:25
Bachmann I walk up to the guards and I'll be like, "Oh, is this what you're looking for?" And I hand them the bread.
31:30
Michael Stand down, citizen. What are you doing here?
31:35
Tim Screetch for grenade!
31:36
Jennifer Get her! It's a baguette!
31:42
Bachmann Is this what you're looking for?
31:43
Michael What— no. Why are you trying to give me bread?
31:47
Bachmann I kind of move like in between the guards and the teens, and I'm like, oh maybe this— is this it? And I pull out the lantern.
31:57
Michael The lantern?!
31:58
Bachmann Oh my god, yeah, is this it?
32:01
Michael What are you doing, sir? Why are you inserting yourself in this situation?
32:06
Bachmann Do the teens get the fucking hint, or are they stupid?
32:09
Jennifer Yeah, they're just like sitting there like, oh, I want lantern bread.
32:12
Michael Hey man, this guy was yelling at us. Why are you in our way?
32:18
Tim This is enrichment for us.
32:20
Jennifer We like getting yelled at.
32:22
Tim You're breaking the rules, man.
32:25
Michael They start to back away. The guy's like, "What? Stop, sir.
32:30
Bachmann Get out of the way." Oh, this is what you're looking for. I pull out 50 ball bearings, but as I have them in my hands, I'm like, "Oh," and then drop them all on the floor in front of him.
32:42
Tim All right, subtract 50 ball bearings. Very good.
32:45
Michael Roll deception to see if they believe that.
32:48
Bachmann I'm really dropping ball bearings. I don't know what the deception is.
32:50
Jennifer It's really happening.
32:52
Michael Yeah, but it's an accident. It. Okay, that it's an accident.
32:55
Bachmann Would they not slip on them if I did it on purpose?
32:58
Michael No, no, that's— that'll be a separate roll, sir.
33:00
Bachmann I understand.
33:01
Jennifer Yeah, because we're about— are they gonna immediately try to arrest your ass for—
33:04
Tim yeah, you know, they're gonna cave for like obstruction or whatever.
33:08
Bachmann Yeah.
33:08
Michael 17 deception plus a d4.
33:10
Bachmann Plus a d4, 46.
33:13
Tim Holy shit. Wow, wow, you can do that. Wow, that's pretty good.
33:18
Bachmann 19.
33:19
Jennifer Hell yeah.
33:20
Michael Yeah, they, um, their legs go in strange directions as these ball bearings, um, skitter across the ground. And there's one of them is like, looks like he's like running in place, and the other one's arms are like waving in a big circular motion.
33:37
Jennifer It's like, I assume it's making the like Scooby-Doo sound.
33:40
Tim Vince is gonna put some really like British-ass music.
33:44
Jennifer I would love that.
33:45
Nika It's gonna be the Benny Hill, like that.
33:47
Jennifer Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Yakety sax or whatever.
33:51
Michael That's what Vince likes. And they fall over and they're prone. Now, R'Oarc, the guards are heavily distracted.
34:00
Nika Yes.
34:00
Tim By what?
34:01
Jennifer Falling on their damn asses.
34:02
Michael The teens and falling over.
34:04
Tim Oh, the bread, yeah.
34:05
Jennifer And the bread.
34:06
Michael And the bread.
34:07
Nika I go take it.
34:08
Michael Take what?
34:09
Nika The bell.
34:10
Tim Damn.
34:11
Bachmann What?
34:11
Jennifer Okay.
34:12
Tim I just do the thing.
34:13
Jennifer I did it.
34:14
Tim I'm going to go get it.
34:15
Jennifer I don't think they reach the bell.
34:16
Tim I leave for Rivendell and bring the ring to the mountain.
34:18
Bachmann You find the Brazier of Worlds. I destroy it.
34:20
Tim I destroy it.
34:21
Jennifer I don't know.
34:22
Nika Did you guys try that, though?
34:25
Jennifer We should have. Damn.
34:25
Tim Why didn't you take the Eagles of the Bell?
34:27
Michael Do you just walk in?
34:28
Nika I just take it. I grab where it is and I grab it by its little clit.
34:34
Michael Well, unfortunately, first you had to need to find it. I mean—
34:37
Nika Well, where is it, Michael?
34:39
Tim Don't make her do another perception check. That's not nice.
34:41
Michael You can do an investigation.
34:43
Nika Yeah, I'm going to do an investigation.
34:45
Michael You can investigate.
34:47
Tim Yeah, maybe R'Oarc has been there the whole time, snooping. Thank you.
34:50
Michael But are you sneaking or are you just walking up and—
34:54
Nika Well, I don't know.
34:56
Jennifer You know what?
34:56
Nika I will just walk out there, Michael. Are they going to try me?
34:59
Jennifer Because what's the setup of the bell? Can you see where it's supposed to be?
35:02
Tim Well, remember, sometimes the best way to do things IRL is to act like you're supposed to be there.
35:08
Jennifer Exactly. Just be normal, like you're doing maintenance or something.
35:10
Bachmann I don't know.
35:11
Jennifer I don't know what the setup is for this bell, but—
35:13
Tim The Wi-Fi is down in this hut.
35:15
Michael Roll me an Investigate.
35:17
Nika I got a 19 plus 8. It's 27.
35:19
Tim That's really high.
35:20
Michael Wow, that's a great roll.
35:22
Tim That was a really high roll.
35:22
Nika Wait, I didn't roll my— I got that plus 3 or that plus— Not plus 3. Oh, I rolled a plus 3 on a d4, but I got that plus d4, right?
35:29
Jennifer This is your fucking moment. I feel like the camera zooms in on you while chaos is like— They're like, "Oh!" in the background and Brooke's striding forward like she's a JoJo.
35:40
Tim Yeah, yeah. She's roller skating on the ball bearings to go faster.
35:43
Bachmann Yes!
35:44
Nika I pop out my Heelys and I—
35:47
Tim Yes!
35:47
Jennifer Oh my God, R'Oarc would have Heelys, though. I feel like she would.
35:51
Tim She—
35:51
Jennifer because I bet Lucy would invent Heelys.
35:53
Nika Yeah, she did.
35:53
Tim Artificers can have Heelys.
35:55
Jennifer They did.
35:55
Nika They did.
35:56
Jennifer Yeah.
35:57
Nika They did.
35:58
Jennifer Heelys are real.
35:59
Tim Yeah. In this world.
36:00
Jennifer In our world.
36:03
Tim Lucy's gender is based off a real life person, and that real life person's gender is fluid.
36:08
Jennifer Well, could be she/they.
36:09
Tim Yeah.
36:09
Nika Yeah.
36:10
Michael So with that wonderful roll, you note that in the checkpoint there is a little sign that says Bell and there's a—
36:22
Tim What?
36:23
Michael Yeah, there's a circle of like— so there's dust, but then like in the middle of the dust, there's like a circle of not dust where like a thing used to be sitting right there, but now it's not there anymore.
36:35
Tim But where's the bell?
36:36
Nika So someone else already stole the fucking bell? I'm going to kill him.
36:39
Michael The bell is apparently gone.
36:42
Jennifer No!
36:42
Tim Those teens wouldn't have lied, though.
36:44
Nika Where's the bell? Do the teens have it? Do I hear a tinkle, tinkle?
36:48
Jennifer Yes!
36:48
Michael Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle. I mean, you could do a perception roll.
36:52
Jennifer Goddamn it, Michael!
36:53
Tim I don't think the teens did it.
36:54
Nika I'm going to do it, and if this doesn't work—
36:56
Bachmann It was Old Man Breadbasket.
36:57
Tim It was Old Man Breadbasket.
36:57
Jennifer What if he did? He hid it inside the bread.
36:59
Nika I don't trust him. I'm going to use my Lucky.
37:02
Bachmann And now I ate it.
37:03
Jennifer Oh, no! Your tummy's ringing.
37:05
Tim Yeah, you're ringing it because you're— Dancing all around.
37:08
Nika I rolled a 5.
37:10
Jennifer That's pretty good.
37:12
Nika And I rolled a 3. And lucky, you know, you get to take the higher. So I'll take the 5 minus 1. So 4 plus that d4 you gave me. I rolled a 3. So let's go with a 7.
37:27
Jennifer Woop woop.
37:29
Michael I ate on your fell.
37:30
Tim That makes sense. That's fair.
37:32
Nika I'm going to fulfill this pact tonight.
37:36
Jennifer Just find a different bell. Yeah.
37:39
Tim Yeah, go to bell store.
37:40
Nika How do they know? I'm going to kill everyone until I find this bell.
37:45
Jennifer I'm going to kill everyone until I find this bell.
37:53
Bachmann Somebody ate the bell. Why do you think that?
37:56
Nika I can't hear it jingle jangle, so that means it's in someone's tum tum. Mm-hmm.
38:00
Michael So, um. The guards who are sprawling on the ground, they're like, what? What?
38:07
Bachmann How do you—
38:07
Tim fool!
38:08
Michael Why do you have so many balls?
38:11
Tim Oh, is that what he said to the guard? His guard mate? Right, he's gonna suck him.
38:16
Michael No, he's talking to Screech.
38:18
Nika Oh, oh, oh, little balls.
38:21
Michael Oh, and he's like, the teens! Oh, I'm gonna be in so much trouble once the sergeant gets here.
38:28
Bachmann Oh my God, you, you You stay here, you stay here, I'll go get him.
38:32
Michael But no, the sergeant will be here any moment.
38:35
Bachmann No, well, you better pick up all these ball bearings then.
38:37
Jennifer And I leave.
38:40
Tim Swings away.
38:41
Michael That's when around the corner comes another OT guard, um, this one in what looks to be a sergeant's uniform.
38:51
Bachmann Oh, I wonder if this is a sergeant.
38:53
Michael And he has what appears to be a robot dog with him.
38:59
Tim Oh shit.
39:00
Nika Oh, like the MIT ones?
39:02
Michael Yep.
39:02
Nika Oh fuck.
39:04
Tim I'm at an oil salesman, like, do you hear bees? I hear bees.
39:08
Jennifer Bees?
39:09
Michael Bees?
39:10
Tim That's what they sound like. What? The robot dogs sound like bees.
39:14
Jennifer Oh, oh yeah, I can see that. I don't know if I've ever really heard them actually.
39:18
Tim They're loud as fuck.
39:19
Jennifer That does make sense.
39:20
Tim Yeah.
39:20
Jennifer I don't like that. I don't—
39:21
Nika they're scary.
39:22
Jennifer Yeah.
39:22
Nika I don't want their weird backwards voice.
39:23
Tim So the joke is that they sound like bees-ish. But they're not. They're robot dog that you have to kick to try to make it fall over.
39:32
Michael So that's happening. That guy's striding up.
39:34
Jennifer He's striding up to Screech and the other OT guys in the ball bearing zone.
39:38
Michael Yeah.
39:39
Bachmann I was quite clear when I said I left, Michael.
39:42
Michael I don't remember. Did you say you left?
39:43
Nika He did.
39:44
Tim He did.
39:44
Nika He did say he was walking away.
39:46
Tim He did.
39:46
Bachmann I told them I'd go find the teens, and then I said, you better pick up all the ball bearings before he gets here. And then I walk away.
39:51
Jennifer Oh, that's right. He just continued walking away while He was like, oh, okay.
39:55
Michael Yeah, I missed that part, I guess, since you all agree.
40:00
Tim Um, it happened.
40:01
Jennifer I—
40:01
Michael there's— I believe—
40:02
Jennifer even though I was talking about Screetch still being there, I don't believe—
40:05
Michael I, I think you're lying to me.
40:07
Bachmann I mean, if you need the sergeant to show up as I'm leaving, like, it's—
40:10
Michael but since you're all against me, then I'll just go with it.
40:12
Tim We're always against you. You're literally trying to kill us every single episode, and I can't do it. You can't do it.
40:18
Michael So frustrating.
40:20
Tim Why won't you die? You're so annoying. I'll send one mole after you.
40:25
Michael So, yeah, so the sergeant and his dog comes up. What's going on with R'Oarc? Is R'Oarc hanging around?
40:34
Nika I mean, yes.
40:34
Michael Or you don't see the bell and then you— Then what?
40:39
Nika She would be trying to find— I mean, this is where the bell is supposed to be.
40:43
Michael Yeah, it's clear as day that this is where the bell would be.
40:47
Tim You guys got to fucking communicate. This is crazy.
40:49
Nika Either the teens have the bell or— It's around in this area, but Screetch is already gone to go after the teens.
40:59
Michael Yeah, the guards aren't currently aware of you.
41:03
Nika Okay.
41:04
Michael But they will be shortly.
41:06
Nika Do they sense magic?
41:08
Tim Mm-mm.
41:09
Nika Okay.
41:10
Michael Not that you know of.
41:11
Jennifer I feel like I always get so scared about that. That's the motherfucking verbal component you're about to scream, "Wait!" Yeah, I guess that's the part I didn't aspect of it. It's like they don't like It's not like they get a tingly feeling when magic happens, but if you're whispering crazy shit, they might be like, "What's going on over there?" Why'd that big lady in armor and a bad dress scream "Expecto Patronum"? Why did she start T-posing and going, "Oh!" She's beseeching something.
41:36
Nika And they're incapacitated?
41:38
Tim Prone.
41:39
Nika They're prone. So I would get advantage?
41:42
Michael Prone and unaware of you.
41:43
Nika Michael, can I just talk it out with you for a second?
41:46
Michael Yes, of course.
41:47
Nika Because I feel like you've really backed me into a corner where I don't have too many options.
41:53
Michael I feel like I'm trying to give you multiple exits.
41:56
Nika No, there's only one. I feel like you really want me to kill them. I don't know why you want me to attack these other two people.
42:04
Jennifer No, no, no. Not kill them. No, I don't think so.
42:07
Nika He wants me to bash their heads in.
42:09
Michael I'm saying they're unaware of you. Sneak away.
42:12
Jennifer You can sneak away from them.
42:14
Nika Oh, okay, fine. I will sneak away. I guess I won't find them.
42:18
Bachmann You're not going to kill them?
42:19
Michael Or you can kill them. You can kill them or poison them.
42:22
Jennifer No, maybe don't though. Maybe we'll decide to kill them.
42:24
Michael Poison them, trap them under rubble, light them on fire.
42:29
Jennifer Boil them, mash them, stick them in a stew.
42:31
Nika No, I can't do any of that.
42:32
Michael Talk to them.
42:33
Nika Well, I guess, yeah. I've investigated and I don't I don't see anything for the bell.
42:40
Michael It's not in here.
42:41
Bachmann Rimen, piss on them, rip their teeth out, keep them as souvenirs.
42:47
Nika God damn it, why'd you have to say souvenirs? I want to cut one of their fingers off. Um, I'll leave.
42:54
Michael Okay, um, why don't you just give me a quick stealth roll with advantage?
43:00
Nika Michael, I'm pretty sure I have— I specifically have disadvantage on Well, then you don't, though. Rolled a 1.
43:11
Jennifer No!
43:13
Nika Ow!
43:15
Jennifer No, Nika, your dice are haunted tonight.
43:17
Nika I hate them. I'm going to throw them away.
43:19
Tim Nika, roll better. I went up to get a drink and then I just heard Jennifer yell, "Yeah, no, don't kill them." I was like, "Goddamn, what's happening?" We were chatting and we were like talking.
43:28
Jennifer It wasn't like in real time when it was happening.
43:33
Nika I don't sneak away.
43:35
Michael You go to sneak out the window, or how are you trying to sneak out?
43:41
Nika I thought we were outside.
43:42
Jennifer Wait, are we inside right now?
43:43
Tim There's a booth. Oh, there's a booth.
43:45
Michael Okay, there's a little booth. Yes.
43:47
Jennifer Okay.
43:47
Tim It's like a toll booth, a checkpoint.
43:49
Jennifer Wait, you know. Okay, sorry. I was not envisioning a toll booth, but that does make sense.
43:54
Nika Yes. Okay. If it's like a toll booth situation, well, I guess I'll try to climb out the window, but I I obviously don't climb out very sneakily.
44:03
Bachmann You don't.
44:04
Tim Nika's like, I want to do something, but Michael, I don't want to roll for it, which is fair. And I think that's the right call.
44:10
Nika The problem is I already rolled and I rolled very poorly.
44:13
Jennifer Like, bad.
44:14
Nika Yeah, I rolled another 1.
44:16
Tim Don't make her roll again, Michael. That's not nice.
44:17
Nika Yeah.
44:18
Michael No, that's a bad roll.
44:20
Nika Yes.
44:21
Tim You're like, I can, I can, I can do—
44:24
Jennifer no.
44:24
Michael So you smash out the window.
44:27
Nika I do.
44:28
Michael Kool-Aid Man style.
44:31
Nika I say, "Oh no, Bell." The sergeant's like, "You there, what were you doing?" I flip him off. "Hey, I'm a sergeant." Then I throw that loaf of bread. Can I throw the loaf of bread at his head? Sure.
44:51
Tim You guys didn't eat your bread? What's wrong with you? Selene and I ate that fucking bread. It wasn't a long walk. We ate that fucker. All of it.
44:59
Jennifer I was hungry.
45:00
Nika I don't know. Got like a 16 to throw the bread at his head.
45:08
Jennifer D4.
45:09
Tim It's like an improvised ranged weapon in a lot of ways.
45:11
Nika Oh, sorry. I got like an 18 to hit him in the head with bread.
45:15
Tim That's really good.
45:16
Nika Just a nice stale roll right to the— knock him.
45:19
Michael That does hit.
45:20
Tim It's not stale, please.
45:21
Michael No, it's nice. It's a nice crusty roll. It's light and fluffy. It does hit him directly in the head.
45:27
Nika Perfect.
45:28
Michael At which point he steps backwards into the ball bearings.
45:34
Jennifer Oh, yes.
45:35
Tim Yes.
45:36
Nika I hope he falls right on his butt.
45:38
Bachmann Told them they should have picked him up.
45:39
Tim He's going to hit the edge of something and his head is just going to—
45:42
Nika And he says, ouch, my little butt.
45:45
Michael And he slips backwards into Nibs, who we all know the one card's name is Nibs.
45:52
Tim His name's Nibs.
45:52
Michael And falls over. And so now all of them are falling over. And then the dog thinks that they're playing.
45:58
Jennifer Wow. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
46:00
Tim So the robot dog can play? Like they have—
46:02
Jennifer It's like jumping. It's like jumping on them.
46:04
Michael This one can.
46:05
Tim Oh, okay. That makes you feel— Okay. Okay.
46:08
Jennifer Yeah, it's not— This is not a purely—
46:10
Tim Yeah. The ones that we killed couldn't do this.
46:13
Michael Weapon dog.
46:14
Jennifer Yeah. Yeah.
46:14
Michael Yeah. Yeah.
46:15
Tim That we know of.
46:17
Michael So, R'Oarc, now what do you do? They're all laying on the ground, flailing about.
46:22
Nika I guess leave still.
46:24
Jennifer I picture you just doing a forward roll and like—
46:26
Nika Yeah.
46:27
Jennifer Getting out of there. But like, you know, a tactical forward roll.
46:31
Tim Yeah, like a fucking Elon Musk, Elden Ring build roll.
46:35
Jennifer I didn't see that, but I can imagine it and I'm laughing.
46:38
Nika And then I say, "Oops, my internet cut out." All right, so you take off? Yes. I guess where everyone else went, or if I didn't see them, I take off in a general direction.
46:49
Michael You're not sure where they even went.
46:51
Jennifer I feel like Selene has just been chilling, like, hey, kind of hiding out, like, watching stuff.
46:56
Michael Selene probably hasn't moved yet.
46:58
Nika Can I find her then?
46:59
Tim She's in the opposite direction.
47:00
Jennifer T'Chuck, aren't you with me too?
47:01
Nika Where are you?
47:02
Tim I went to go buy oil.
47:03
Jennifer That's right. You went to go get oil.
47:04
Tim Far lands.
47:05
Jennifer So, yeah, I would see—
47:07
Tim Uh, I want to follow Screetch.
47:08
Jennifer Selene— well, Selene is just where she's been. I think that we—
47:12
Tim right, that's why you would follow her.
47:13
Nika He's not there.
47:14
Tim Selene got nothing to do with it.
47:15
Nika I don't know where he is.
47:16
Tim You have nothing to— you didn't take the bell. I know that for a fact. Sorry, I want to solve it for sure. She didn't take the bell.
47:22
Jennifer I did not take the bell, guys. I didn't take the bell. What if I did? That'd be so funny.
47:26
Tim Michael hands you a piece of paper.
47:27
Jennifer Yeah, he took the bell.
47:28
Tim He handed that to you on episode 1 of this campaign and it's like, what Oh, that's just mean.
47:33
Jennifer And now it makes sense.
47:35
Michael So you're heading back towards the alleyway where you remember Selene was. You're not sure where Screetch went and no idea where T'Chuck is. So you head to that alley and before you get to Selene, somebody steps out of the shadows.
47:51
Nika Oh no.
47:52
Michael It's one of the Echo Chamber.
47:57
Bachmann Which one?
47:58
Nika Yeah, which one?
47:59
Jennifer I don't know.
47:59
Michael Tell me. You tell me.
48:01
Bachmann Hold on.
48:01
Tim Shit.
48:02
Michael I don't know any of their names.
48:03
Jennifer That's a lot of names. That's a lot of names.
48:06
Tim Oh, this is stressful.
48:08
Bachmann I need better notes on their affiliation.
48:10
Jennifer Yeah, that's the thing. I have names of wives to help with this, but I don't know which ones are in the echo chamber. Maybe it's a new one. Maybe this is an unnamed— as a hitherto unnamed wife.
48:20
Tim But be sure to keep the 3 unaffiliated or whatever it is.
48:23
Michael I feel like they're all named.
48:25
Bachmann I do have an unaligned. I've got two that I know are Daboor's daughters. You know what? This one is number 17, Meatchunk.
48:33
Tim Meatchunk!
48:34
Jennifer Meatchunk!
48:35
Tim Okay, explain Meatchunk.
48:37
Bachmann I feel like that's self-explanatory.
48:38
Michael Can there actually, can there be two? Can I have another one?
48:41
Bachmann Yeah, you can have another one. Um, uh, Kristinara.
48:46
Jennifer Kristinara?
48:47
Michael Okay. Meatchunk and Kristinara. Um, Stefan.
48:50
Bachmann I feel like it sounds better, it flows better if it's Kristinara and Meatchunk. Not to tell you how to do your job.
48:54
Jennifer Kristinar and Meechunk, that's cellar door to me.
48:59
Bachmann So they're now members of the echo chamber?
49:02
Michael Yes.
49:03
Tim They always have been.
49:04
Michael Decided.
49:04
Bachmann They always have been.
49:05
Michael They always have been.
49:07
Bachmann We knew this going into it.
49:08
Tim You have to let the story evolve though.
49:11
Nika Right.
49:11
Michael Kristinar and Meechunk step out of the shadows, R'Oarc, and Meechunk holds up a small bell and says, "Are you looking for this?" Yes.
49:19
Nika Yeah, you dumb bitch.
49:21
Jennifer Whoa.
49:23
Nika Obviously, I'm here for that. Why'd you fucking take it?
49:26
Michael Well, you took so long. We didn't think you were coming.
49:30
Nika You literally sent me 3 things and I was on here before you sent the 4th one. Why would you think that I was not coming? I'm sorry. Was there something that said I needed to respond by the 3rd warning or notice?
49:45
Michael I just, you know, typically it's— and then Meetchuck goes to Christiana and like whispers something and they nod to each other. Typically, you know, sorry, we're just really thrown off by your general attitude.
50:02
Nika Yeah, well, maybe you should give people a little more guidelines on what they need. I need specific deadlines. I need to know when I need to have this in or else I'm going to procrastinate. And that's not my fault. That's your fault. You didn't give me the deadline.
50:17
Bachmann I've worked with a R'Oarc before.
50:21
Tim I try to be the R'Oarc before someone else can be the R'Oarc at me.
50:25
Michael They, they actually both look really impressed.
50:29
Jennifer Yeah, this girl is— she's gaslighting and girl bossing right now.
50:34
Tim I like this, actually.
50:35
Michael Yeah, well, um So we're actually kind of used to waiting around.
50:42
Nika Okay.
50:43
Michael Like, so one time, Screetch, when we were married, I had to wait for like 3 hours in the rain.
50:52
Nika That's crazy.
50:53
Bachmann Which one is this?
50:54
Michael This is Cristiana.
50:55
Jennifer Cristinara.
50:56
Nika Cristinara.
50:56
Michael Cristinara.
50:57
Nika What were you waiting for?
50:59
Michael He said it was something about his horseshoes. I don't— No, I don't know. And then MeChunck's like, I went to a whole funeral one time that he said he was going to show up at, and he never came.
51:15
Tim Damn, it sounds like Screech is the R'Oarc.
51:17
Bachmann Did I invite her to a funeral?
51:20
Jennifer I was going on a date to a funeral.
51:23
Michael We were married, it wasn't a date. Who's talking?
51:27
Jennifer Uh, uh, Selene's eavesdropping over in the corner.
51:30
Tim T'Chuck walks up chugging on the What's up?
51:33
Jennifer Her head is— and then she like takes her head back like behind real quick when she realizes that she's been hurt.
51:37
Tim Oh shit, is that Meat Chunk?
51:39
Nika I don't know.
51:40
Bachmann A bunch of ball bearings roll out from under a curtain. Fuck!
51:45
Tim Why is there a curtain in the alleyway? That really stood out before, but now you mentioned it.
51:52
Michael Anyway, um, it's great that you did show up.
51:56
Nika Yeah, thank you, thank you.
51:59
Michael That actually shows, like, leadership qualities, we think.
52:03
Nika Oh my God, my therapist just told me the same thing last week. Wow.
52:07
Michael You will have to tell us who your therapist is.
52:10
Nika I don't think I can do that due to HIPAA violations.
52:13
Jennifer Last week?
52:13
Bachmann Yeah, that's what I heard too.
52:15
Jennifer I really felt like that.
52:17
Tim Stop reading my notes.
52:19
Michael We think you did a great job on this one.
52:21
Nika Thank you.
52:21
Michael And we will report back your success.
52:25
Jennifer She didn't.
52:26
Nika Positively.
52:27
Jennifer They like it though.
52:29
Nika Can I give them a— Damn it. You wouldn't let me take one of the toes from the OT, did you, Michael?
52:36
Tim No.
52:37
Michael Sorry. What?
52:39
Jennifer Do I have a tooth?
52:40
Nika Do I have a random tooth I can give them? You know what?
52:43
Michael I feel like R'Oarc would have a random tooth.
52:46
Jennifer I feel like she'd have actually several different kinds of teeth with her.
52:50
Nika For sure. I'm going to give a molar to Meatchunk because I think that that That seems like what they would like the most.
52:59
Jennifer Can I say, I picture that R'Oarc has, like, a little jar of assorted teeth.
53:04
Nika Yes.
53:04
Jennifer Like, just like a small one, like, that you put the little tiny seashells in, but it's teeth.
53:09
Tim I don't think it's like a big jug.
53:11
Jennifer That's way too heavy. That's way too heavy to carry. She's already got this lantern she's gonna carry.
53:15
Nika She has the big jug inside the Cuisinart, um, genie part, gin part, whatever it is. Right, right, right, right.
53:22
Jennifer That's where the, the real These are like your walking around teeth.
53:26
Nika Yes.
53:27
Tim And so she's got the little set that reach out.
53:29
Nika Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
53:31
Tim You got her safe deposit teeth box.
53:32
Jennifer Right, exactly.
53:33
Nika So, yeah, I want to give a molar to Meat Chunk, and I want to give a canine to Christi. No, actually, you know what? I don't think she's ready for a canine. I'm going to give her an incisor. Kristinara. Kristinara.
53:48
Michael Wait, you're not ready for a canine, so you're giving them an—
53:51
Nika Incisor.
53:52
Tim What's an incisor? Is that on a canine?
53:53
Michael Incisor.
53:54
Nika Oh.
53:55
Tim It's an incisor.
53:56
Jennifer Under these? Under these?
53:57
Tim Is it the one right next to it?
53:58
Nika Yeah.
53:59
Bachmann Yeah.
54:00
Tim What's teeth?
54:01
Jennifer Someone tell me what are teeth?
54:03
Michael They're like, "Wow, this is weird, but thank you. And we actually have a gift for you." Okay. Which is this bell.
54:14
Nika Oh my God. Thank you. She will grab it by the clit so that it does not—
54:19
Jennifer Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Door ringing.
54:21
Tim Keep you from screaming.
54:22
Nika And then she gives them a wink.
54:23
Michael If you ever need us, just ring the bell.
54:28
Nika Oh my God, that's so cool.
54:29
Jennifer It's like Santa.
54:30
Nika If you ever want to come over sometime and talk about Screech.
54:34
Jennifer It's like the Santa Claus. Does he have a bell or is it a snow globe? Okay, it's the same concept. It's the same concept.
54:40
Tim It's really different.
54:41
Michael Then a bunch of bats fly out of the alleyway that you're randomly in. You look up at them and then you You turn around and MeChunk and Kristenara are gone.
54:52
Jennifer What? What?
54:54
Nika Damn, that was pretty cool.
54:55
Tim There's another curtain in the alleyway, though.
54:57
Nika Yeah, where's it?
54:57
Michael There is another curtain in the alleyway.
54:59
Tim And it's slightly rustling.
55:02
Jennifer There's more shoes in there, and they're giggling.
55:04
Bachmann Every so often, a hand comes out and grabs some ball bearings up.
55:09
Nika I just know that Screeetch Echo either learned how to disappear from one of the wives or he taught all the wives how to disappear, and they just, like, retained it in different ways.
55:19
Tim Screetch feels like the type of guy that would steal, like, talents from women. It's like, I feel like one of his wives was a squirrel, one of his wives was an ant, one of his wives was a dog or whatever.
55:31
Bachmann I want to be mad about that, but, like, I don't know, when you're right, you're right.
55:34
Nika Wow, I was getting ready to defend my husband and say, no, he would never I would never do that.
55:41
Tim Well, you probably should stop it before we get to the point where we just have two R'Oarcs running around.
55:46
Nika I don't think so.
55:47
Bachmann Screetch is dabbling in being an artificer.
55:50
Jennifer Yeah. Yeah.
55:51
Tim What is this, campaign 1?
55:52
Nika You come in one time and they're, like, metal forging, but in the way of Ghost, the movie scene. Yeah.
55:59
Jennifer Yeah.
56:00
Nika So, she's standing behind him, like, while they're, I don't know, hammering.
56:04
Jennifer And you're both sweating profusely. Yeah.
56:07
Tim In your giant armor with an apron on.
56:09
Nika Yeah, some sexy music is playing.
56:11
Jennifer Yeah, you both have like the big gloves on so you can do metalworking.
56:14
Tim I'm just gonna go. I'm gonna burn the shop down.
56:16
Nika She's jacking him off with leather gloves with metal shavings.
56:21
Tim Oh no.
56:21
Bachmann And the mask, so because it's too bright.
56:23
Jennifer Yeah, yeah, yeah.
56:25
Tim You're jacking him off so fast, it's so bright.
56:27
Jennifer Yeah, it's like, it's like sparky.
56:29
Michael His dick, it's red hot.
56:31
Tim It's red glowing.
56:33
Michael You have to put it in like a plunge.
56:35
Tim Yeah, yeah, you take like— it's, it's like the sounding is taking the, uh, the glass blowing thing, like rub his dick all around it.
56:44
Jennifer But it's blowing an inch.
56:47
Bachmann Fucking that scene with Robert Downey Jr. and the hammer, just like clank.
56:51
Tim Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and that's like probably your real dick and not your robot dick and your artificer armor.
56:59
Nika No, I was just gonna say it's just just his little 1-inch tuna can.
57:03
Jennifer Yes.
57:04
Nika So, he's got a plank over that bucket of cold water so that he can—
57:08
Tim I imagine you remove that.
57:10
Michael Your voice emerges.
57:12
Tim Like, actually.
57:13
Michael Just like a saucer of water.
57:15
Jennifer Shallow bowl.
57:16
Michael Anyway, we'll figure that out next week.
57:18
Tim Yeah, that's episode 500.
57:21
Jennifer First order of business. It's the particulars of the ghost metal forging jackoff situation.
57:28
Tim Yeah, that's level 19. We don't want to spoil it, but like, as we all know, Bachman's character can't die because he figured out what level 20 is going to look like, so he's not allowed. And I guess since R'Oarc said she's going to jack off his metal penis with leather gloves with metal shavings in them until they got red hot—
57:47
Bachmann it's not a metal penis, we're just treating it as such.
57:50
Jennifer It just is glowing like as if it were metal.
57:52
Nika Yeah, it's red hot because whenever, whenever Screetch gets red hot, his Dick turns red hot.
58:01
Tim Oh my God. Yeah.
58:01
Michael We're going to get banned.
58:02
Nika Don't say it.
58:02
Tim Yeah, all the blood goes to his—
58:04
Michael This is too dirty.
58:05
Jennifer Yeah.
58:05
Tim His ding dong.
58:06
Nika So, we didn't talk about piss at all this episode.
58:09
Tim This episode's for all the 14-year-olds.
58:11
Jennifer Yeah, this episode's for the 14-year-olds.
58:12
Tim Oh yeah, but when you're jacking him off, he's like, I'm going to cum and he starts pissing?
58:16
Nika Yeah.
58:17
Tim Urine?
58:17
Jennifer And it's hot. He's like, I did it.
58:19
Tim I did it.
58:20
Jennifer For the first time I did it.
58:22
Tim I've never done this before. I never trusted a wife enough to ejaculate. He's just like weakly pissing everywhere. And it's steaming. And it smells bad because it's piss.
58:32
Bachmann My dream is to trust a wife.
58:35
Jennifer Yeah.
58:35
Bachmann Someday.
58:36
Tim Anything else?
58:37
Michael No.
58:38
Tim Before we end the roleplay?
58:40
Michael Let's wrap it up.
58:41
Tim It was so fun playing with you guys.
58:43
Jennifer Let's wrap the heck up.
58:43
Bachmann Surely not.
58:44
Nika Just like you should whenever you have sex.
58:48
Jennifer Yeah.
58:48
Nika Yes.
58:49
Jennifer Practice safe sex. Wrap up your little blowy thingy.
58:51
Michael No way, dude. That sucks. No, Michael.
58:53
Jennifer Ew.
58:55
Nika We're going to be responsible.
58:56
Michael It doesn't feel good.
58:58
Nika No.
58:58
Tim We need more listeners, so the official stance of the Greenies Adventures Podcast is never wrap it up. Have as many children as possible.
59:07
Jennifer Yes.
59:08
Tim So that we can have more listeners in the future. Okay? Have bastards. Have illegitimates.
59:15
Nika Instead of the Quiverful moment, we're the Podful movement.
59:20
Tim Mm-hmm.
59:20
Nika Where you keep your podcast playlist full by having lots of kids and they listen to us and then we make more episodes.
59:28
Tim RSS feed.
59:29
Nika The more of you there are, the more content we can give you.
59:33
Tim Yeah. Yeah. Statistically, there's too many podcasts now. So they do say the best way to get new listeners is to encourage your current listeners to have children.
59:44
Nika Yes.
59:45
Michael And if you have kids, you can just make them listen to podcasts.
59:48
Jennifer Yeah.
59:49
Bachmann Yeah.
59:49
Jennifer And this is definitely a healthy one for them to listen to.
59:51
Nika And you should start young.
59:53
Bachmann Yeah.
59:54
Nika So that way they know, they're familiar with everything. They'll grow up learning the rules.
01:00:00
Tim And you can like relate to them because you're like young, like they are young too.
01:00:04
Nika And they'll learn about piss.
01:00:06
Tim So that's our official stance.
01:00:08
Jennifer Yep. You heard it here.
01:00:09
Tim You heard it here. Have a lot of kids to listen to the podcast.
01:00:12
Michael This is a raw dog podcast.
01:00:14
Tim Yeah, raw dog podcast. We're officially Catholic. So we do think masturbation is wrong for a lot of Reasons. And it's not just because you're literally taking listeners from us whenever you masturbate.
01:00:25
Nika I do think it's funny you say that we, we could be Catholic because we have been sharing a lot of Catholic TikToks recently.
01:00:32
Jennifer We— yeah, there's been a lot of Easter, uh, content, which I'm loving.
01:00:36
Tim I don't click on it because I— it seems Satanist. Um, but what are you gonna do when you have all those kids and you're like, I can't afford dice, they all want dice, what do I do? Go to dieharddice.com and you can enter the offer code DRAGONS and get 10% off your order to feed all of your dozens of children beautiful dice. They have great dice. They have mystery bags of dice, which I think is really fun. It's a great way to be sort of— I'm gonna say it like recycle old materials. So they basically take the leftover, like extra percentages of the filament or whatever. I'm getting every technical term wrong. Long, but they use it to make new beautiful dice or to coat other dice like what, uh, Nika is doing right there. It takes a lot less of the expensive stuff, so it's beautiful. And you can check it out over at dieharddice.com.
01:01:25
Jennifer And I really— that's the really light ones. Yes, I really like those. I think it's fun to have heavy dice, but it's nice to have a variety.
01:01:31
Tim Yeah, well, they have like— those ones are covered in like what the more expensive ones are like made out of.
01:01:36
Jennifer Yeah.
01:01:36
Tim And then they have ones that are like thicker, made out of like beautiful patterns of like the cast— cast off is the wrong term, but basically it's like using the entire bit of the dice, if that makes sense. Yeah, DyerDice.com and Off the Cuff Dragons. We get a kissy on that. And if we get an extra kissy, if you get our special Dracona Arena die.
01:01:55
Jennifer Do it!
01:01:56
Nika They're pretty.
01:01:58
Michael Thank you, everybody. If you want to get in touch with us, we are on Blue Sky, a D&D podcast. We're also on Instagram @GreetingsAdventurers. You can find me @ThriftyCrafts. Where I now have a video game that where Thomas says, "Ouch, my little butt." It's good.
01:02:15
Jennifer It looks cool.
01:02:16
Tim No other game has that.
01:02:17
Jennifer Stop it.
01:02:19
Tim He said that though. You can follow me on Bluesky @TimLanning and the first episode of Tribulation Force Season 6: Assassins is out. Check it out. Things are quite emo with the game and the Tribulation Force.
01:02:34
Michael Yes.
01:02:35
Tim Motherfuckers be dying.
01:02:37
Jennifer And let's just say we've got actually a good chunk recorded ahead of time for this one. And it gets crazy pretty quick.
01:02:43
Tim They kill so many people.
01:02:45
Jennifer It's crazy. There's a lot of stuff happening.
01:02:47
Tim A lot of stuff happening.
01:02:48
Jennifer Don't want to spoil it. Don't want to spoil it. You can follow me on Blessed— Bleh.
01:02:52
Tim Blessed guy. Blessed guy.
01:02:53
Nika Blessed guy.
01:02:54
Jennifer Blessed guy. @JenniferCheek.
01:02:57
Tim I mean, Abdullah and Mac has some blessed guy stuff.
01:02:58
Jennifer They did have some blessed guy. That is so true. A little morsel for you guys to understand when that episode comes out.
01:03:04
Nika You can find me over at Nika Howard or @thenikahoward or @nikahoward on any different platform and go look at my nudie pics.
01:03:16
Bachmann You can find me @themikebachman.
01:03:18
Nika Game Crimes?
01:03:19
Bachmann Yeah, yeah, we're doing Game Crimes. We do Game Crimes every Tuesday night after the Greetings Adventure podcast, 10 PM Central Time.
01:03:27
Nika Didn't get your fill of action and adventure in this episode of Greetings Adventures? Then check out these other geekly shows like Dear Internet, the D20 Day Show, Deword Shores, No Page Unturned, and Taverns and Caverns. If you love the work Vince does on the show, then make sure to check out Hikikomori, a podcast of weird and strange stories from Japan. Wanna support the show? The best way is to join our Patreon where you can get ad-free episodes and so much more. Join now at patreon.com/dndpodcast. After you've finally finished getting the bell, head on over to wherever you listen to podcasts to leave us a 5-star rating and review. Episodes come out every Monday, so go subscribe, get your crosslug filled, and get ready for things to get dicey!
01:04:07
Michael Thank you everybody, until next week, keep it dicey!
01:04:26
Jennifer [MUSIC] [MUSIC]